In my last essay, I mention that I used to play the violin when I was in school. Got a few comments and a good joke about that so here’s everything I know about violins:
How many first violinists are needed to change a light bulb? Just one, they hold it and the world revolves around them.
So how many second violinists are needed to change a light bulb? It doesn’t get changed, they can get up that high.
How does the conductor know when your violin is out of tune? Your bow is moving.
I discovered the difference between a cat and student violinist: It’s easier to teach a cat to stop scratching.
Turns out there is a difference between a violinist and a dog – a dog can hear high pitches.
Why is a bolt of lightning like a violinist’s fingers? Both are supper fast and neither hit the same place twice.
What does computer programing and playing violins have in common? Both look easy until you try to do it.
What do you call a violinist with a mortgage? An optimist.
What’s the major difference between a pizza and a violinist? A pizza will feed a family of four.
Did you hear about the violinist who got a membership for the gym? Yup, she wanted to be as fit as a fiddle.
I decided to start playing the violin again and my neighbor loves it. At least I assume he’s throwing rocks through my windows to hear me better.
I took my grand daughter to buy a violin and the shop assistant said, “Do you want a bow as well?” My grand daughter said, “No, don’t wrap it.”
Never hit someone with a violin – violins is not the answer.
After my hand surgery my doctor said that I’d be able to play the violin. I said, “That’s great, I never could before.”
I could go on forever, violins just string one joke after another …
Andrew's View of the Week 
The one about the pizza… ouch! 😛
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🙂
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Thanks for the smiles, as always, Andrew. These are great! 🙂
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Thank you for the weekend smiles. 🙂
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“Violins is not the answer” – ha! Thanks for the laughs! 🙂
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I thought the jokes were all of a good, average standard, until I read “Never hit someone with a violin” and its completely unexpected punchline. What a gag!
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That is my favorite in this bunch of gags. 🙂
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LOL – I played the clarinet. I think you could have a book full of your Friday humor.
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I likely have enough material over the last few years for a book – but the editing would be a massive job.
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We could have violin lessons at junior school if we could produce a violin – I vaguely remembered Dad had one in the loft. I took it to school and somehow it was exchanged for a quarter size. I progressed to Three Blind Mice and my debut was a garage concert I put on with my friends. I put my lack of progress down to the fact I was not encouraged to practice.
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At my school, there were a few “loaners” available, and the local music store would rent instruments very cheaply.
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“No, don’t wrap it.”
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🙂
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There was a violin in my family when I was young, and several of us kids took lessons. That didn’t last long, probably because my parents couldn’t stand the sound of our practicing!
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Yup, parents have to put up with years of that before it starts sounding good.
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Very funny, Andrew. My best friend in primary school played the violin beautifully. She played with the city orchestra and she was only 10 years old.
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That’s great!
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