My mind is so traumatized that I am having trouble writing what I really wanted, needed to write about today – grief and dealing with loss.
Nope, can’t write the next sentence. Can’t figure it out. Part of me wants to be this ‘together person’ who in the midst of grieving for a friend, can write philosophically about the nature of grief, and dealing with sudden loss.
I have no great words or theories. No great comfort or words of solace come to my mind.
All I know, is that I am tired, and hopes I had have been derailed.
It was two weeks ago when the email came to tell me that my friend, Paul was in the hospital and not likely to survive. It was a shock. He was a healthy man – full of energy and joy. He had only been serving our local church for a little over a year but in that time he had started to get long stalled projects moving again. I started working with him on a number of projects and for the first time in years, felt that I had someone on my side, someone who was able and willing to work with me.
Now those projects are difficult for me to move forward, on my own.
Difficult to move on, when there is a hole in my heart where my friend was. Difficult when one I could lean on for support is gone. Difficult when the words that inspired others to action, came from him and not me.
But still the world turns and even in grief we have two clear choices; descend into the depths of despair, or move forward as best we can.
In my emails and conversations with church members I’ve been telling them to do three things: pray, thank the people around us for their support, and continue on as best we can.
I don’t know if that is the right thing to tell people, but it seems right. Today’s writing isn’t what I’d had hoped I could do, but it’s something.
So it is time to pray, say thank you and continue the work.
Till next week,