Difficult

My mind is so traumatized that I am having trouble writing what I really wanted, needed  to write about today – grief and dealing with loss.

Nope, can’t write the next sentence.  Can’t figure it out.  Part of me wants to be this ‘together person’ who in the midst of grieving for a friend, can write philosophically about the nature of grief, and dealing with sudden loss.

I have no great words or theories.  No great comfort or words of solace come to my mind.

All I know, is that I am tired, and hopes I had have been derailed.

It was two weeks ago when the email came to tell me that my friend, Paul was in the hospital and not likely to survive.  It was a shock.  He was a healthy man – full of energy and joy.  He had only been serving our local church for a little over a year but in that time he had started to get long stalled projects moving again.  I started working with him on a number of projects and for the first time in years, felt that I had someone on my side, someone who was able and willing to work with me.

Now those projects are difficult for me to move forward, on my own.

Difficult to move on, when there is a hole in my heart where my friend was.  Difficult when one I could lean on for support is gone.  Difficult when the words that inspired others to action, came from him and not me.

But still the world turns and even in grief we have two clear choices; descend into the depths of despair, or move forward as best we can.

In my emails and conversations with church members I’ve been telling them to do three things: pray, thank the people around us for their support, and continue on as best we can.

I don’t know if that is the right thing to tell people, but it seems right.  Today’s writing isn’t what I’d had hoped I could do, but it’s something.

So it is time to pray, say thank you and continue the work.

Till next week,
Andrew

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I work in the high tech world doing software release engineering Then I got prostate cancer Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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4 Responses to Difficult

  1. YAPCaB says:

    I think your advice is right on. Don’t forget you’ll be with him again down the road. You’ll both have lots to talk about to catch up.

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  2. Ron Lewandowski says:

    As I read your post it occurred to me that these exact words might have been written by your friend about you if he was still here and you were not.

    I like your train analogy but I think you can change one word. With your help maybe the church projects will only be “sidetracked” not derailed.

    Hang in there Andrew

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  3. LuAnn says:

    So sorry for your loss Andrew. Take care.

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  4. Dave Glasgow says:

    Andrew,

    So sorry to hear of the passing of your pastor. I’m praying for you and your church that God will comfort you and give you strength each day. I think, you’re giving great advice.

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