Andrew's View of the Week

Well, we got back late last night after a full 24 hours of airplane travel and collapsed into bed. When I woke up this morning I was happy to note that I’d actually managed to change into some pajamas the night before. It was a great trip and I’ll have more posts about that over the next couple of weeks, but here’s what I learned about traveling:

I like being in strange far away places. I just don’t like traveling there.

Don’t drink too much at the airport bar. You could get a terminal hangover.

I sued my airline for misplacing my luggage. Sadly I lost my case.

I went to an airport shop to get a nice chocolate snack, but they only had plane chocolate.

I was talking to a retired Air Force pilot at airport and he said, “It’s generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.”

An Air Force friend of mine always told me, “If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.”

Second rule of flying: The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

First rule flying: Keep the number of your take offs equal to the number of your landings.

The airport police said that they are aware of the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage — the cases continue to rise.

I was reading in the news about a man who was arrested for stealing luggage from the airport. His trail was only an hour. It was a briefcase.

The doctor says I’ve got this strange medical problem where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. She says it’s terminal.

The airport police officer if I’d seen anything unusual in the airport. I said that I just paid $27 for a hamburger and a coke so there’s that.

Do you know why aliens don’t visit earth? It’s the terrible ratings — only one star.

I wrote a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t like it.

You don’t understand true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.

Me: I’d like to travel more. My bank account: You can afford to walk to the park.