Thursday Update – Wow is it Almost February?

Looks like I haven’t been posting much lately and I know I’ve not been doing my regular Sunday posts for a long time. I never really know what I’m going to do on this blog and never make promises or predictions of what I might do, but likely I’ll be changing things up a bit in the next few weeks. This will be the tenth year I’ve been doing this blog and a lot has changed since I started. I’m might change to a new WordPress theme as the one I’m using is no long supported, I might start posting different content – heck I might even put a new picture of me on the front page.

You never know. Retired life is busy but relaxed. This month has been party month. Both Heather and I have birthdays this month – a week a part so we often just have a long celebration week. Last Sunday was the big party:

I made the sign by printing out Scrabble letter titles from a website our son found and he ran streamers everywhere.

It’s been cold here so not much happening in the yard, but I’m still doing some scroll saw work. Current projects almost completed:

Just one more bird to cut out and then I’m done with that. The other things are just Christmas ornaments.

I do have a couple of projects left before I start moving on to shop and yard projects as the weather warms up:

The drawing is a thing Heather wants me to build. More on that as I get to work on that.

The other big projects here have been more in the legal and financial area. It’s that time to update our estate planning and I’m doing some major reshuffling of our retirement funds. That and tax time is just about here. I wouldn’t have thought retirement taxes would be this weird, but the government never wants to loosen its grip on your wallet. Sorry but no pictures on any of that – somethings you just don’t want photos of.

Well, time to take the party decorations down while I’m waiting for the account, lawyer and broker to call me back. If you need me – I’ll be on the ladder removing tape and streamers.

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Friday Wisdom – Trains

Our son is visiting this weekend and is arriving by train so …

You know, train ticket inspectors – you got to hand to ’em.

The elephant refused to board the train when told his trunk would have to travel in the baggage car.

A friend of my just retired as a news reported. He left the city on an ex-press train.

I asked the train conductor how many times she’d seen a train derail. She said it was hard to keep track.

I didn’t get the job as a train engineer – I didn’t have enough training.

Why don’t train engineers get electrocuted? Well, they’re not conductors …

The hunter knew that a train had passed by because it have left tracks.

Did you hear about the new camouflaged trains? Yeah, they’re trying to cover their tracks.

Did you hear about the angry railroad? People just kept crossing it.

Why don’t steam engines sit down? Because of their tender behind.

I really love monorails – yeah, I’m really into one liners.

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Friday Wisdom – Lawyers

Normally I don’t tell lawyer jokes or even think about lawyers much, but this week was review everything in my life week and I had a phone call with my estate planning attorney to go over changes now that I’m fully retired. She confirmed that it would be best to spend all my money before I die so there is no estate to burden my children with by having to manage it. Well, here are some other thoughts:

The difference between a heard of cattle and a lawyer is that a lawyer charges more.

A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years. A good lawyer can drag a case out for decades.

The difference between an accountant and a lawyer is that an accountant knows he’s boring.

Wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over a penny.

A 32 year old lawyer dies suddenly and is standing at the pearly gates (strange, but true) and says to St. Peter, “But I’m only 32 why am I here?” “Humm, let me check,” Says St. Peter. “Ah here it is, based on the number of hours you’ve billed since becoming a lawyer we thought you were 102.”

The difference between a boxing referee and a lawyer is that the referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

I did some research and found that there are only three lawyer jokes. Everything else were true stories …

You can divide lawyers into two groups: Those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.

A public defender goes to see a client in jail:

“Since this is your first time robbing a butcher shop we can prove you’re not so smart and a bit desperate, I think I can get you a plea deal for light sentence plus time in rehab,” Said the defender.

“Wait, what do you mean not smart!?” Replied the robber.

“Well, you took the cash …”

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Friday Wisdom – Tea

I drink tea. I prefer it over coffee. I blame the church for my choice. When I was old enough to approach the coffee pot at church without being shooed away, I poured myself a cup of coffee and instantly hated it. Then I went to the tea pot, poured myself a cup and liked it. Years later I learned that the church just made bad coffee, but my tastes were set to tea by then. Later in life I married an English lady and we have more boxes of tea than bags of coffee in our house. So, while I sip my tea here is a bit of tea wisdom:

I once had a job in a tea shop, but I quit when I thought something was brewing.

There’s a trendy new tea shop in town. I don’t know – it fills me with uncertain tea.

I drink tea everyday to achieve inner tranquili-tea.

Tea fixes everything.

Did you hear that the hipster burned his mouth drinking tea? yup, he drank it before it was cool.

We have a special tea here in the desert for windy days. We call it dust-tea.

Okay, these jokes aren’t my best quali-tea.

When making your morning tea did you ever get that sense of deja brew?

Just went to the cafe and found out that the price of tea is steep.

I would walk a chamomile for a cup of tea.

Moses drinks tea – Hebrews it.

The most difficult tea to drink is reality.

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