Cargo Shorts

Durning the summer I wear shorts.  When it’s 105 degrees outside, you wear shorts and you turn your A/C setting up to bankruptcy.  Last month we had 10 consecutive days over 100 Fahrenheit. For those of you living in metric measuring countries that 37.7 degrees celsius.

For the literary minded, Fahrenheit 451, is the dystopian novel written by Ray Bradbury in 1953.  A little known fact is that 451 degrees Fahrenheit is the temperature at which paper spontaneously bursts in to flame – hence the title of the book where fireman go around burning books.  Which, of course, has nothing to do with this post. It just something I think of when it gets hot.

Here in the desert, lots of people wear shorts in the summer.  In fact there are people here who wear shorts all year round – even when it’s below freezing (32 degrees for you Americans and 0 for most of the rest of the planet).  Personal I think this is because some people here are crazy.

I just want to say that I’m not crazy – although I’ve not had that confirmed by a medical professional – and I wear long pants in the winter, because it’s cold and I don’t like the cold nearly as much as I dislike the heat.  If it were my decision, the world wide weather control system would set the whole planet to nice 72 degrees with a gentle breeze in the afternoons.

Since there is no world wide weather control system, I restore to wear shorts in the summer.  No there was a time when I didn’t wear shorts because I didn’t want people to see my lily white hairy legs and because I was afraid of not buying the fashion correct shorts.  I’ve been able to adjust and adapt as I age and now don’t care what you think of me or what I wear.

Which brings me back to my shorts.  I like to wear cargo shorts.  You know the ones with lots of pockets.  When I work in my shop I like to carry my tools, screws, nails, bits of sand paper and the occasional water bottle in the many pockets of my pants.  It’s not convenient as most of the time I can’t remember where I’ve put what, but it’s an old habit that I’ve not broken.

Until velcro. Why, please tell me why, did the designers of cargo shorts decide to use velcro as a closure on the pocket flaps. 

Have you ever tried to put a screwdriver in your back pocket?  In a pair of jeans this is easy, but with a pocket flap closed with velcro, this is nearly impossible.  Seriously, try it.  Pick up a screwdriver, reach around to your back pocket and it is closed with the iron fist of velcro.  When you do manage to loosen your grip on the screwdriver enough to pry open the flap, it will promptly close when you shift your fingers to slide the tool in the pocket.  Velcro has this magical property where any two pieces of velcro within 2 inches (50.8 mm) of each other will fly together and stick with the power of industrial magnets. 

The only real way to get anything into a velcro enclose pocket is to use three hands.  Kind of inconvenient, awkward and possibly embarrassing if done in public.

Clearly, clothes designers don’t actually wear clothes.  If just one cargo short designer tried to put a screw driver in their back pockets, there would be a massive redesign and pocket flaps with velcro would be a thing of the past.

My wife has managed to find a brand of shorts that uses buttons instead of velcro.  A pair just arrived yesterday.

I’ll keep you updated on the screwdriver in the pocket testing.

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Friday Wisdom – Kid Funnies

Today we were over at the children’s center helping with the school supply distribution so here are a bunch of jokes that even kids would like:

How do oceans say hello to each other? They wave.

What does your brother say when you try to take his cheese? Nacho cheese.

What do Santa’s elves learn in school? the elf-abet.

A pirate’s favorite letter is Rrrrrr!

What did 0 say to 8? Cool belt.

What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline? A milk shake.

Did you know that pigs are great a karate? Yes, they do pork chops all the time.

Warning, don’t spell part backwards … it’s a trap.

I had this weird dream where I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone.

I was trying to write a pizza joke, but decided it was too cheesy.

It’s weird, but the more this towel dries, the wetter it gets.

I don’t understand, if we’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

I’ve been writing a song about tortillas; well, really, it’s more of a rap …

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Wednesday Working – Trees and Shop

We bought two new trees for the yard and I used a credit card to plant them:

The new apple tree.
A new cherry tree.

We bought these two at a local nursery and they had a service that would deliver and plant the trees. Took me about five seconds I get my credit card out to pay for that. The crew showed up last week and hopefully in a year or two we’ll get some fruit from these.

In the shop my grandson has been over and we hung four big 4×8 sheets on the ceiling:

This is a full 4×8 sheet hanging from cleats. Next step is to put in the drywall screws to finish installing it.

I don’t have a drywall lift so I resorted to the cleat method of hanging. To hang the sheet, we lifted it on the wood strips on the wall and then turned the cleats higher up to hold the other end. Then we moved quickly to get the screws in to secure it to the rafters.

After that I put up some smaller pieces to complete one half of the ceiling:

Finished hanging the drywall in one end of the shop.

All that is left for the drywall is four small pieces on the other side of the shop:

This is the last area to hang drywall. This will need 4 pieces cut.

That means I’m almost done with the shop. All that is left is: mudding, painting, floor installation, insulating the door, painting the outside, window trim, door trim, installing dust collection, building the cabinets, and moving in my tools.

Should all be done by 2022 or 2023 …

If you need me – I’ll be in the shop.

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Friday Wisdom on Saturday – Retirement

You’re getting Friday humor on Saturday because — I lost track of the days and just confirmed that yesterday was Friday.

If it wasn’t for my weekly pillbox organizer, I wouldn’t know what day of the week it is.

I’ve started to refer to Friday evening dinner as, “Quarter to Saturday.”

Retirement is that part of life where time is no longer money.

I just read that another oldest man in the world just died. This is starting to look suspicious.

Why do us older folks not mind being called “Seniors?” Because the title comes with a 10% discount.

The problems with retirement is that you don’t get days off anymore.

I thought I’d miss going to work. Turns out I only miss my paycheck.

You know you’ve finally gotten old when friends call at 9:00 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”

In retirement, wearing pants is optional.

Retirement – when being unemployed is something to brag about.

Retirement isn’t the end of your life, but it can be the end of your bank account.

When do get retirees to have a long lunch? Everyday …

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