On the Door by the Table

Do you ever wonder about why you say some things?  Like the other day I was talking to my coworkers and started to listen to myself (yeah, weird). I heard myself say, “No, that will work.”  Lucky for me I was the only one listening.

Turns out I say a lot of weird stuff – like the other night when Heather needed to put something in my car.  We were both doing things in different rooms so I decided to just put my car keys on the hallway table so she could grab them anytime she wanted. 

While walking past Heather on my way to a different room I yelled out, “I put the keys on the door by the table.”

“What?” she yelled from a different part of the house.

“I put the keys on the door by the table!” I yelled in reply.

Then she walks in and says, “That makes no sense.”

“What?” and then I realized what I’d been saying.  Suddenly it made no sense to me either.

After a bit of clarification Heather found the keys and took a blanket and sleeping bag to my car.  Don’t worry, we were taking them to church for the homeless shelter.  Today we moved them to Heather’s car because we both forgot about them and failed to drop them off at church.  I wouldn’t have noticed them at all if I hadn’t been grocery shopping and needed to put the groceries in the car.

At this point I want to interject that Heather does trust me to grocery shop on my own and without supervision.  I get a list, some instructions and a reminder to take the bags.  Maybe it’s just me, but I swear my list always seems to include heavy items. Like today was shopping for our emergency earthquake supplies.  We keep a three-day supply of food and water out in the shed just in case there’s a big earthquake that destroys county and we live to complain about it.  Every October, I drag the emergency supplies out and Heather checks everything – pulling out the stuff that is near expiring.  Then she makes a list of what needs to be replaced. 

It’s mostly canned goods and water.  Both heavy items.  I did buy a box of pasta which turned out to be the lightest item.  Did you know that water weighs about eight pounds per gallon?  I bought ten gallons.

My back hurts.

Lately I’ve noticed that things seem to be getting heavier.  That two and half gallon water jug does seem heavier this year.  It’s a bit like a conversation I was having with my boss last week when he noted that time seems to go by faster the older we get.

I’ve noticed this phenomenon too.  I told him that it’s just like acceleration due to gravity.  You know the longer you fall the faster you go – like if you jump off a tall building your moving the fastest just before you smack into the sidewalk.  Time is the same, the older you are, the faster things to go by until – smack.

I was about to explain the equation and graph it on the whiteboard for him when he suddenly said he was late for a meeting and left. 

It’s strange, but lately I’ve noticed a lot of my coworkers seem to be late to meetings …

I hope it wasn’t something I said.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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29 Responses to On the Door by the Table

  1. Its very interesting post you explain very well it appeals me so much time is the same ,the older you are the faster things to go by up till smack. Very nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve also heard that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. G. J. Jolly says:

    I don’t think times goes faster the older a person gets. I think it’s a case of not paying attention to whatever we’ve seen or experienced before and our attention goes on to the next thing, whatever it is, in our lives. Through one of our many inventory moments, we, then pay attention to that past event we skated over the first time. This gives the illusion of time passing more quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ack, that gravity part is smacking me in the face right now as I consider where I am on the age spectrum! It’s downhill all the way, baby. So as I figure it, we are ENTITLED to say things a little weird or backwards or whatever. Did you ever consider that maybe you left the keys IN the door by the table because we’ve done that at our house. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your gravity theory is brilliant! It makes perfect sense when you explain it that way.

    Now I wonder if it’s possible to attain terminal velocity… or whether that would turn out to be, um… terminal.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I had to re-read your post because I didn’t understand the last half. I read your sentence as you intended. I thought it did say “the keys are on the table by the door”. hahahahaha One of the perils of being a fast reader – I often miss things. hahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  7. dfolstad58 says:

    I hope my smack is a long way off!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My wife is notorious for her shortened directions and descriptions. “It was pale.” Pale what – pale yellow, pale brown? I never find out, the conversation has moved on. And then, if I ask where a book is, she will say “In the drawer” – which drawer, in which room? Worst case came a couple of months ago: “Where did you leave the shed keys?” and her answer “On the table.” After looking everywhere I learned she was referring to the table in my sister-in-law’s kitchen. What the shed keys were doing there remains a mystery.

    Liked by 2 people

    • but the shed keys were on a table …

      My wife does a similar thing. She’ll say something like, “It’s terrible what happened to her.” No clue what terrible thing happened or who “her” is.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ll do you one better. I say the weird stuff (like keys on the door by the table) and it doesn’t even faze my husband. He hears it the way I thought it. Now that’s weird.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Christi says:

    My husband flips words in sentences too! The kids and I enjoy it immensely, often recounting some of our past favorites. The one we all agree on – and we’ll probably put on his tombstone given time rushing toward us like a sidewalk – as he tried to remember a favorite movie he came up with “Drum the Bang Slowly.”
    Confusing, and yet somehow so apt… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Debra says:

    I’m not sure how I feel about comparing the acceleration of time due to aging with gravity and acceleration as a person falls from a distance and hits the pavement. It’s probably an apt comparison, but it’s a hard one! And I thin that more often than not my husband and I make all sorts of incomplete sentences or say something that doesn’t entirely make sense, but we must fill in the gaps. We have to keep up appearances by covering for each other! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m not sure I like that comparison either – even though I said it. And, yes, Heather and I know what the other meant to say even though the original words came out upside down and backwards. Most days I feel good just remembering my own name.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. floridaborne says:

    I do the same thing and hubby has to ask, “Did you really mean to say…”

    Dyslexia is my reason for twisting sentences into pretzels.

    Liked by 1 person

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