Friday Wisdom – Christmas

Well, it’s just 10 days until Christmas. Some of you may have heard of this holiday. I know a lot about it and I’m willing to share my wisdom on the subject:

Just read that a man got sentenced for stealing an Advent Calendar. He got 25 days.

The snowman was critically ill and was taken to the hospital – he was running a fever.

A bald friend of mine received a comb for Christmas. He said he’d never part with it.

Did you know Santa has a dog? Its name is Santa Paws.

What do gingerbread men put on their beds? Cookie sheets …

I read that Santa is thinking about buying a motorcycle from the Holly Davidson dealer.

I can always tell when Santa has been around – yes I can sense his presents.

What is another name for Santa’s elves? Subordinate Clauses.

What do they call an old snowman? Water.

I bought some expensive candy canes, well they were in mint condition.

Did you know that Santa is a great race car driver? He always gets the pole position.

I read that Santa had to hire a therapist for his workshop helpers. Apparently they had a bad case of low elf esteem.

Turns out that Christmas trees are just bad knitters — they keep dropping their needles.

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About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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25 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Christmas

  1. Thank you, Andrew! I always enjoy your Friday funnies! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s been far too long since I’ve read one of these!!!! Cookie sheets for the win! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for the Christmas chuckles, Andrew! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Bette A. Stevens's avatar Bette A. Stevens says:

    Ho! Ho! Ho! 🎄 Merry Christmas, Andrew!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Funnies just in time for “ho, ho, ho.” Merry Christmas!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Dave's avatar Dave says:

    Something tells me this Christmas list could go on and on. “Subordinate Clauses”… wow 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. jfwknifton's avatar jfwknifton says:

    An excellent crop of funnies, with my favourite being the one with “low elf esteem”.

    I found it interesting that because the English and Americans are seprated by their common language. I could not understnd one joke at all. I suspect the laugh depended on the phrase “Cookie sheets”, but I have no idea whatsoever what that is !

    Liked by 2 people

    • I watch a few British baking/cooking shows with my English wife and there’s a lot of language differences between then (and now measuring differences too).

      The English translation of the American “cookie sheets” would be “baking tray” or “baking sheet”. The thing you put the gingerbread men on to bake. It’s a low pun and there are a few Americans who don’t get it.

      Like

  8. I will miss you on my break, Andrew.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Milena Alien's avatar Milena Alien says:

    Low elf esteem is definitely the best

    Liked by 2 people

  10. PiedType's avatar Pied Type says:

    Can’t pick a favorite. So many good ones this week!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Low elf esteem!

    Liked by 3 people

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