Friday Wisdom – Military

Veteran’s day was yesterday so this week I’ll share a bit of my military wisdom:

The minimum grades you need in high school to join the Navy are seven Cs.

Why couldn’t the sailors play cards? The Captain was sitting on the deck.

The Master Sergeant yelled at the private, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.” “Thank you sergeant,” replied the private.

The US government has started recruiting rabbits to join the hare force.

I was reading about a horrible accident at the army base – a tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed three kernels.

The most hated month in the army is: March


An airman, an infantry man, and a marine were having a drink at the enlisted man’s club:

Airman, “It was tough when the AC died in our tent.” It was a 110 outside.”

Infantry: “You had AC!?”

Marine: “You had a tent!”



Why won’t the army enlist Twitter users? They’re too quick to retweet.

Where to Generals keep their armies? Up their sleevies.

When setting up a camp: The coffee will taste better if the latrines are setup downstream from the camp.

How does a Navy Captain change a light bulb? She says, “Lieutenant have that light bulb changed.”

Basic orders for a sailor: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn’t move pick it up. If you can’t pick it up, paint it.

In the Army if you lose your rifle they’ll charge you $850. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

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Friday Wisdom – The Theatre

Last night Heather and I went to see the traveling production of the musical Hamilton here in Reno. We loved it and this morning my thoughts are turning towards the theatre:

If all the world’s a stage – where is the audience sitting?

Just read about the set designer who got fired for not making anything. They said he didn’t make a scene …

Our local postal worker wants to become a comedian, but, I don’t know, his delivery is awful.

I acted in a play on a farm. It wasn’t good and we got mooed off stage.

I tried writing a script once but it just turned into a play on words.

My friend is opening a new shadow puppet theatre. The business plan says he’ll make a fortune – those are just the projected figures.

New paper reported a thief broke into the theatre and stole the spotlight.

I’ve been able to smuggle chocolate into movie theatres – I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.

We ended up leaving the play after the first act. The program said, “Act II – one year later” and we couldn’t wait that long …

I kept telling everyone that the Titanic would sink, but then they threw me out of the movie theatre.

Be nice to the lady selling pop corn – she’s made a lot of concessions.

Why do actors have great hair? They want the perfect part.

Is it me or do theater jokes always seem staged?

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Wednesday Working – Birds and Platform

I’ve been busy this week, but not a lot to show for it. What I have done is:

Two birds are done. Third is in progress and the fourth is waiting its turn. The blank is wait for a bird to land on it.

I’ve been spending an hour or so a day working in the shop shed cutting the birds out. I have two ready to paint and am cutting the third. A couple of things I’ve discovered about my new workspace is that I’ll need some kind of shutters or blinds and I’ll need to work on the ergonomics of my scroll saw. In the late afternoon, the sun cuts across the scroll saw table and casts shadows that make it hard to see the pattern lines so I’ll need some kind of window shade to fix that. I’ve also noticed that my current chair for the scroll saw has me at the wrong height so I’ll need to make an adjustment. The little light and magnifier I current have is a bit small for these old eyes so I might be on the lookout for something bigger and brighter.

In the big workshop I had to make a platform for my new cabinets:

The cabinet platform.

The garage floor isn’t flat and it slopes. This platform is about 3 inches high and lets me adjust for the irregularities of the floor and as a bonus makes the center section a little higher which will be nice for workshop. Next step is to start connecting the four units together and make a countertop for it.

That’s about it from here this week – if you need me, I’ll be in the garage.

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Friday Wisdom – Halloween

Sunday is Halloween so I feel morally obligated to offer you these insights about things that go bump in the night (or stop by your house to get candy). Well, I hope it doesn’t rain on Halloween – that would dampen a lot of spirits.

Ghouls like demons because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.

I’ve heard that ghosts like to go to bars for the Boos.

I heard that the headless horseman decided to go into business. He said he just wanted to get ahead …

The mummy wasn’t allowed to go to school with the witches because he couldn’t spell.

I was told that being kissed by a vampire is a pain in the neck.

Did you hear about the vampire who was having trouble with his house? It’s a grave problem.

Do you know why skeletons are so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.

Werewolves hate flea markets.

A skeleton walked into a restaurant and asked for an order of spare ribs.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest? Nobody.

The vampire got a bad case of heart burn after he had a stake sandwich.

They had to put a fence around the graveyard because everyone was dying to get in.

My son asked me to fix his broken Jack-o-lantern so first we got some pumpkin patch …

A witch just asked me to build her a garage. Well, really it was more of a broom closet.

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