There are Times

Tonight there are two subjects on my mind.
One close to home,
and one a world away.

The reality of helplessness.
I can’t fix my brother,
I can’t stop the shooting.

I can’t decide whether I should write, or if the words in my heart need to come out as prose or poem.  Over the next few days we’ll see a flood of words – laments, calls for action, calls for revenge, calls for peace, and cries of pain.  All of which tear at my heart.

Hearts.  Billy called again today.  It is difficult to know if he needed comfort or if he was trying to be the big brother when he said, “I’m fine, I’ll be okay till Tuesday.”

Tuesday, eleven days after our trip to the ER, seven since we saw his doctor and still no resolution other than a bottle of pills to dull his mind until Tuesday with its promise of a new doctor and the hope of new answers.  Hope for relief.

I can’t help my mind from rewriting the scene on that Friday in the emergency room filled with the sick.  Imagine the scene. You’re waiting for a doctor when the PA system announces that a large number of trauma cases are coming.  Suddenly, a nurse appears pushing a wheelchair stacked with supplies, then a security guard stands in front of the door – then more and more staff as the confusion grows and the ambulance door opens.

Flooding the world with
pain that has no words.
Sadness beyond measure
as the wail takes flight, “WHY?”

And again I wonder what I can do?  Or should do?  What action, what words would be a benefit at time like this.

For tonight helplessness longs to be changed into hopefulness, into action that will transform the world into justice, understanding, caring and love for one another.

For tonight, there is nothing more on my heart, or in my mind than a prayer for a brother here and a world out there.

May both be healed.

Peace,
Andrew

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I work in the high tech world doing software release engineering Then I got prostate cancer Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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33 Responses to There are Times

  1. nimi naren says:

    Sending prayers your way Andrew.

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  2. Excellent writing Andrew. Sending prayers for your brother. The comments here as interesting as the piece you wrote. Sorry you are having to endure this, sad for the whole state of affairs for the whole country right now. God help America after the election.

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  3. Feeling helpless is awful. At least there is indeed always prayer.

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  4. Glynis Jolly says:

    Your brother is a strong person. I wish him peace and healing.

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  5. pommepal says:

    Hope and peace Andrew 2 strong words. If only…

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  6. ljlhannah says:

    You put that so beautifully Andrew

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  7. Andrew, I wish you weren’t going through this; I wish your brother weren’t going through it.

    A lifelong friend of mine moved to Orlando years ago; he has been to that club a number of times – it was a huge sigh of relief to hear he wasn’t there this weekend. And yet he’s left mourning for friends who were trapped in there; some who made it out…and some who didn’t.

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    • I have family in Sarasota and they have friends in the Orlando area who also have been at this club. I know they were concerned and spent some time checking on friends yesterday. So far no bad news, but I know everyone was shaken.

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  8. I sincerely hope that your brother finds some relief that doesn’t come in a bottle but from someone with more knowledge to assist him. 🙂 With regard to the current state of affairs, I have never understood why we allow vendors to sell assault rifles or any other type of weapon used only for mass destruction to entities besides the arrest forces and other similar associations. If only, we could do that one thing, it would at least be a move in the right direction. Whoever thought we’d want to limited people to guns that they had to stop and reload so we had enough time to run from pursuing our every day lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We’re hopeful that this new doctor will do a better exam and give us a better diagnosis. We’re concerned that all will get is a referral for more scans and to a surgeon and another bottle of pills while the wheels of the medical center slowly turn. Sigh…

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  9. I don’t know how to fix it, Andrew. There is too much systemically wrong with so many of the critical pieces. I do know: The first person who thinks they’re doing something by sharing their grief with #floridamassacre (which isn’t one of the #s being used), I’m might defriend.

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  10. You are doing what you can do Andrew, being a wonderful brother and a wonderful person/poet/writer. 😀

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  11. jfwknifton says:

    Unbelievably easy access to weapons of relatively mass destruction is the cause of this. The solution is to stop people having weapons like this. And to achieve that, somebody has to stop the pedlars of violence and death from carrying out their evil trade. But that won’t happen, because these people are rich and powerful and can buy the politicians who have the power to achieve any change. And incidentally, where is the church in all this? Do they condemn these incidents in any meaningful way? Do they come out on the side of peace and ask their ministers to preach against guns every week from the pulpit?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Here in the states we have a political log jam that defies logic, but politics isn’t about logic – it’s about power and wielding that power. There are so many things that need to change to stop this and so few who seem willing to continue the struggle for very long. Too soon the memories of this weekend will fade and society will fall back into its complacency – until the next crisis.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Hand in hand, heart in heart and love that is all there should be.

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  13. PiedType says:

    So wishing I could reach through the screen and help somehow …

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  14. My heart is broken. I weep for our country, for our world. Excellent post. Blessings always.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I didn’t want to Like this piece, because it didn’t arouse feelings of affection. It did arouse respect and empathy….although, I have never been in an ER when multiple trauma cases came in. So nicely expressed, nonetheless, Andrew. We are all stunned.

    Liked by 3 people

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