I had to talk to an insurance agent today. Nothing serious, but apparently you have to actually pay them for the policy to be in effect. Who knew? Anyway here’s everything else I know about insurance:

The manager at the insurance office told all his employees, “You’ve worked really hard this year and as a reward I’m giving everyone a check for $5,000. If you work as hard next year, I’ll sign those checks.”

Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing it again.

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

What’s the best thing about turning 60? Life insurance agents stop calling you.

I thought the group insurance policy was great — until I learned that the whole group had to be sick to collect.

I have a life insurance policy, but the small print is impossible to understand. All I know for sure is that when I die I can stop making payments.

How are a raincoast and insurance the same? You’re never covered as much as you think.

Why couldn’t the chef get life insurance? She was a high whisk customer.

What kind of health insurance to ghosts get? Medi-scare.

My veterinarian said I should consider getting pet insurance, so I asked “What would that in-tail?”

I have a new insurance agent, he said his name was, “Justin Case.”

My grandson just got his first job out of college and was offered a retirement policy. If he makes the payments for 15 years, his insurance salesman can retire.

My daughter said she was skeptical about vision insurance. I said she should at least look into it.

The fisherman was angry when his boat capsized and all the fish swam away. To make is worse the insurance company refused to pay the claim saying it was an act of cod.

What kind of chocolates do they have at an insurance agency? Premium chocloates.

If you Lose a Husband:

Agent: Do you know the value of your husband’s life insurance policy?

Woman: What do you mean?

Agent: Well, if you husband dies, what would you get?

Woman: Oh, I’d get a poodle.