I make it eleven more days of Christmas shopping. I have four things on my Christmas wish list: Caramel Popcorn, fabric, wood, and clamps (a woodworker can never have too many clamps). And my early gift to you are these bits of wisdom:

Santa’s elves are commonly known as subordinate clauses.

On the day before Christmas, Adam was heard saying, “Hey, it’s Christmas, Eve!”

I’ve got a great Christmas Lighting joke – this one will sleigh you …

Santa deposits the Elves wages in a Snow Bank.

I heard about a blind reindeer – I have no eye deer what to call it.

What’s red, white and blue? A sad candy cane

My grandson says he doesn’t believe in Santa – the kid’s a rebel without a Claus.

Christmas lights are like co-workers, half don’t work and the other half aren’t that bright.

I’m a little disappointed that my Christmas lights go out more often than I do.

It’s just possible that the Christmas lights are a filament of your imagination.

My neighborhood has a tallest Christmas tree competition. After seeing the all the entries I thought, “How am I going to top that?”

I read that reindeer put hornaments on their Christmas trees.

Did you hear about the person who stole Advent calendars? He was sentenced to 25 days.

The most common Christmas wine: “I don’t like Brussels sprouts.”

Just read that a man got sentenced for stealing an Advent Calendar. He got 25 days.

The snowman was critically ill and was taken to the hospital – he was running a fever.

A bald friend of mine received a comb for Christmas. He said he’d never part with it.

Did you know Santa has a dog? Its name is Santa Paws.

What do gingerbread men put on their beds? Cookie sheets …

I read that Santa is thinking about buying a motorcycle from the Holly Davidson dealer.

I can always tell when Santa has been around – yes I can sense his presents.

What is another name for Santa’s elves? Subordinate Clauses.

What do they call an old snowman? Water.

I bought some expensive candy canes, well they were in mint condition.

Did you know that Santa is a great race car driver? He always gets the pole position.

I read that Santa had to hire a therapist for his workshop helpers. Apparently they had a bad case of low elf esteem.

Turns out that Christmas trees are just bad knitters — they keep dropping their needles.