Again it is hard to avoid my inner Eeyore and just launch in to a long complaint about – well anything and everything. Frankly there are times when life just sucks, but I am going to try to fight that urge and just look at the good things that have happened. I am still recovering a bit from the radiation treatments. My body and energy level are doing fine, well almost fine – I think my blood pressure (BP) is changing and I need to adjust my meds, again (that’s just the fun of BP). My mind and soul still need more healing. It is my spirit that I struggle with the most – it just feels like it is pointing to empty. Okay, it’s not at empty but it is less than 1/4 of a tank.
It would be great if I had something really wise to say at this point, but I don’t. What I can say about my empty tank is that I am doing things to try to fill it up. I had thought that my little, “intertext” project might help fill my soul, but I still can’t get past Asimov. I should give up on him but there is something there that is bothering me so I’ll just slow down until I figure it out. I have managed to get into the last book of the Foundation trilogy and hope by the end that I’ve come to some conclusion. I have added a few more notes to my influence list (see the Intertextual Andrew tab at the top of the page).
Today is a great day because I finally got it! I found THE CD, THE music that I lost 12 years ago. THE music that I just loved: “Music and Poetry of the Kesh” Music by Todd Barton with the words by Ursula K. Le Guin. Yes, I know you have no idea what the heck I am talking about. But DUDES I GOT THE CD!!! Yes it is odd music from a time in the future that has not yet as been found. It is the music of an ancient future group of people who live in and around the area we would call Napa or perhaps Santa Rosa. The music is a companion piece to Le Guin’s great book, “Always Coming Home.” That book and music have been an influence on my writing style, tastes and desires, since I first read the book. I’ll write more about that book in another post.
Speaking of other posts, I wrote a guest post for the HealingWell blog and it was published last week at: http://blog.healingwell.com/2012/03/guest-post-just-live.html Check it out. It is quite the boost to my ego to have someone else publish my writing.
The other thing I’ve been doing to try to fill my soul is working on my creative projects. There is a both a power and a comfort in creating. This weekend I made some progress on the serving trays. I glued the marquetry down for two of the trays. Here are a couple of pictures of the progress. Heather started the design for third tray – it will be birds over a beach. I hope to cut the marquetry for that next week.
Well, I had to stop writing there for a minute (5 minutes actually). I am listening to the Kesh music while writing and got the “long sing” track and had to listen to the whole thing. Very healing – can’t explain, you had to be there.
There is something healing in both music and in the act of building with your hands. It is in the act of creating that my soul finds it’s rest and its energy. To fill the soul, I find that I have to fill my mind with music, and my hands with tools.
I’ve been having trouble finding something or explore for the Lent season that is really spiritual or “church like.” At first I thought that thing would be my intertext project but then that isn’t related to Lent – it is related to my cancer and my life. That is not defined by the calendar and cannot be contained to this one period of time, but I have found another project. It is this:
I found the pattern in the Scroll Sawer magazine. Yes, it is a cross. The little cutouts are called ‘fretwork’ and I am cutting it out on my scroll saw. There are over a hundred to cut. It is detailed work and I have to use a magnify lens to see the detail. The work requires focusing my mind on the line and move the work through the moving blade to cut the line. My mind has to see where the line is going, anticipating when my hands have to turn the wood and while the blade moves and the line is cut my mind is free from worries and cares. While I cut my mind can let down its burdens as it takes in the shape of the thing that is being created.
This has become my Lenten project, my study, my task, my prayer and I find it is enough.