This week was Ash Wednesday and I was down at the church for the noon service, so you get churchy wisdom this week:
I found Jesus – he was hiding behind the couch the whole time.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
How do you make holy water? Get some tap water and boil the hell out of it.
You know, even Moses started out as a basket case.
I was just reading a physics book and turns out photons have mass. Wow, I didn’t know they were Catholic.
Planning ahead is good – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
God created everything with a purpose. Except maybe mosquitoes.
When Jonah told his family about what happened on his way to Nineveh, his father replied, “Sounds fishy.”
Every day Adam and Eve did a little math. Well they were told to be fruitful and multiply.
Samson was the best musician in the Bible – yeah, he brought the house down.
Never said in a church: “It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.”
The chair of our church council just announced we’re going to start welcoming all denominations: fives, tens, twenties, fifties – all are welcome.
I told my pastor that I’d just had two crowns put on my teeth. She suggested we sign the Dentist’s Hymn, “Crown Him with Many Crowns.”