Friday Wisdom – At the Church

This week was Ash Wednesday and I was down at the church for the noon service, so you get churchy wisdom this week:

I found Jesus – he was hiding behind the couch the whole time.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

How do you make holy water? Get some tap water and boil the hell out of it.

You know, even Moses started out as a basket case.

I was just reading a physics book and turns out photons have mass. Wow, I didn’t know they were Catholic.

Planning ahead is good – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

God created everything with a purpose. Except maybe mosquitoes.

When Jonah told his family about what happened on his way to Nineveh, his father replied, “Sounds fishy.”

Every day Adam and Eve did a little math. Well they were told to be fruitful and multiply.

Samson was the best musician in the Bible – yeah, he brought the house down.

Never said in a church: “It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.”

The chair of our church council just announced we’re going to start welcoming all denominations: fives, tens, twenties, fifties – all are welcome.

I told my pastor that I’d just had two crowns put on my teeth. She suggested we sign the Dentist’s Hymn, “Crown Him with Many Crowns.”

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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21 Responses to Friday Wisdom – At the Church

  1. Dave says:

    Moses was a basket case – hahahahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome. The denominations one is particularly clever. A pastor, somewhere, needs to use that line for real.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. The ‘atheism’ one is my favorite. 🙂 Happy weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. jfwknifton says:

    An excellent selection of good laughs, without offending anybody as far as I could see. ANd furthermore, a motivational speech that should be on the wall of every government department:
    “Planning ahead is good – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Elita Sheen says:

    Thanks for the much needed chuckle!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. kathy70 says:

    My prayers were answered and you made me laugh. Great job.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Those are all good, Andrew.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Just what I needed on a late Friday afternoon!

    Liked by 2 people

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