Last week I discussed success, so this week let’s consider its opposite, failure:
If you try to fail, but succeed, what have you done?
Failure is not an option – it comes bundled with the software.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Note to self: When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Always keep the dream alive: Press the snooze button.
The person who invented autocorrect just died – Restaurant in Peace.
I started out with nothing and have most of it left.
Money talks: Mine mostly says goodbye.
The medium rare chicken recipe was a failure. Yeah, it was a half baked idea.
It’s not a good idea to tell people about your failures while on an elevator. They’ll be disappointed on so many different levels.
Genghis Khan had a brother who failed at everything. His name was Genghis Khan’t.
The professional Hide and Seek tournament was a total failure – Good plays are impossible to find.
My doctor told me: Drinking vodka over ice can give you kidney failure. Drinking rum over ice can give you liver failure. Drinking whiskey over ice can give you heart failure. Drinking gin over ice can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
I tried to start a dairy farm. It was an udder failure.
When you try to prove that a machine won’t work, it will – Willoughby’s Law
The new computer will fail as soon as the old one is disconnected. Goodin’s Law of Conversions
Murphy’s Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it. Another Axiom to Murphy’s Law
The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most often. Occam’s Electric Razor
Quotes on Failure:
Success always occurs in private, and failure in public. Proverbs
I have not failed … I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomas Alva Edison.
I led the league in “Go get ’em next time” Bod Uecker
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising. Cyril Connolly