Friday Wisdom – Casinos

Posted on 10/21/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

This week I happened to drive by a casino, so here’s everything I know about casinos and gambling:

Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at statistics.

How do you make a million playing poker? Start with 10 million.

My friend likes to play strip poker – he always plays his socks off.

The fastest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Elephants won’t play poker in the zoo – there’s just too many cheetahs.

Vampires don’t like gambling – they get real nervous when the stakes are raised.

I was asked to leave the casino – the dealer said I had a chip on my shoulder.

I love eating chips, but they said I can’t do that in the casino anymore.

They arrested a T-Rex at the Black Jack table last night. Turns out he was a small arms dealer.

Why don’t pirates play cards? They’re always standing on the deck.

Why was the sesame seed in the casino? He was on a roll.

I think Jake would be a better maid than poker player – all he does is fold.

In a casino, the easiest way to get a straight flush is to go the restroom.

I read that they kicked a dietician out of the casino – she was caught counting carbs.

I walked into the casino and asked the cashier which machine people get the most money from. She pointed at the ATM.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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34 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Casinos

  1. Sheila Landry Designs says:
    10/25/2022 at 4:50 am

    I went to Las Vegas only once in my life for a convention. I didn’t have much time to gamble, but I learned early on that I didn’t like it. My then partner gave me $100 in tokens and they were eaten up by the slot machine in under five minutes. (This was in the late 90’s) That was a LOT of money for me to lose and took a long time for me to earn. It wasn’t ‘thrilling’ to me or worth it. I had brought $100 a day to lose and developed a system for Blackjack using only $5 bets. I only used four tokens at a stretch. When they were gone, they were gone and I was done. If I got more than six on the table, any excess went into my purse not to be seen again until I cashed out. Over the three days, I came out ahead about $300 plus the little gifts I had bought to bring home to my kids. That didn’t include the first $100 that I lost, as it wasn’t my money really. But – lesson learned. There are more fun things to spend money on. Even growing up in Chicago, I found it too busy there. I don’t really feel a need to return. 🙂 I loved the jokes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Eunice Miller says:
    10/24/2022 at 2:48 am

    I Loved this post! After being hit by a NY casino tour bus I can finally see the humor 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Dave says:
    10/23/2022 at 3:32 pm

    The first one is in a laugh class by itself, Andrew. We should come up with more taxes like it.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. ParentingIsFunny says:
    10/22/2022 at 12:19 pm

    First two and last are my faves. Somewhere in the middle I groaned. Thanks for the weekly entertainment, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. kathy70 says:
    10/22/2022 at 8:23 am

    That ATM is the truth machine as well, especially when they charge you for your own money, it really causes me to lose when I think I’m winning. HA.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Mama's Empty Nest says:
    10/22/2022 at 7:30 am

    As always, good ones!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Baydreamer - Lauren Scott says:
    10/22/2022 at 6:04 am

    Good ones, Andrew, but the last one is no joke. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. jfwknifton says:
    10/22/2022 at 3:39 am

    Thank you so much, I enjoyed all of those. Heas and shoulders above them though was:
    “Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at statistics”.
    That is literally, “a true word said in jest”.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. Jacqui Murray says:
    10/21/2022 at 1:38 pm

    I don’t think Las Vegas will make much money off of you, Andrew!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  10. Ray V. says:
    10/21/2022 at 12:37 pm

    Bravo. After a very long week, I need a good chuckle 👍😊

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  12. Diane Henders says:
    10/21/2022 at 10:38 am

    Hahaha! These are all hilarious. Thanks for the Friday laughs! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  13. brilliantviewpoint says:
    10/21/2022 at 10:09 am

    You have a lot of funny ones there. My daughter is studying to be a dietician, so enjoyed that one too.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  14. robertawrites235681907 says:
    10/21/2022 at 9:58 am

    Very good, Andrew. I especially like the last one.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  15. Flojo says:
    10/21/2022 at 9:44 am

    Ah, the T-Rex and the maid…those are clever! Thanks, Andrew, for the smiles.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
  16. SusanR says:
    10/21/2022 at 9:35 am

    There’s a lot of wisdom in here …

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

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