Friday Wisdom – Casinos

This week I happened to drive by a casino, so here’s everything I know about casinos and gambling:

Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at statistics.

How do you make a million playing poker? Start with 10 million.

My friend likes to play strip poker – he always plays his socks off.

The fastest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Elephants won’t play poker in the zoo – there’s just too many cheetahs.

Vampires don’t like gambling – they get real nervous when the stakes are raised.

I was asked to leave the casino – the dealer said I had a chip on my shoulder.

I love eating chips, but they said I can’t do that in the casino anymore.

They arrested a T-Rex at the Black Jack table last night. Turns out he was a small arms dealer.

Why don’t pirates play cards? They’re always standing on the deck.

Why was the sesame seed in the casino? He was on a roll.

I think Jake would be a better maid than poker player – all he does is fold.

In a casino, the easiest way to get a straight flush is to go the restroom.

I read that they kicked a dietician out of the casino – she was caught counting carbs.

I walked into the casino and asked the cashier which machine people get the most money from. She pointed at the ATM.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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34 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Casinos

  1. I went to Las Vegas only once in my life for a convention. I didn’t have much time to gamble, but I learned early on that I didn’t like it. My then partner gave me $100 in tokens and they were eaten up by the slot machine in under five minutes. (This was in the late 90’s) That was a LOT of money for me to lose and took a long time for me to earn. It wasn’t ‘thrilling’ to me or worth it. I had brought $100 a day to lose and developed a system for Blackjack using only $5 bets. I only used four tokens at a stretch. When they were gone, they were gone and I was done. If I got more than six on the table, any excess went into my purse not to be seen again until I cashed out. Over the three days, I came out ahead about $300 plus the little gifts I had bought to bring home to my kids. That didn’t include the first $100 that I lost, as it wasn’t my money really. But – lesson learned. There are more fun things to spend money on. Even growing up in Chicago, I found it too busy there. I don’t really feel a need to return. 🙂 I loved the jokes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I Loved this post! After being hit by a NY casino tour bus I can finally see the humor 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dave says:

    The first one is in a laugh class by itself, Andrew. We should come up with more taxes like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First two and last are my faves. Somewhere in the middle I groaned. Thanks for the weekly entertainment, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kathy70 says:

    That ATM is the truth machine as well, especially when they charge you for your own money, it really causes me to lose when I think I’m winning. HA.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As always, good ones!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Good ones, Andrew, but the last one is no joke. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. jfwknifton says:

    Thank you so much, I enjoyed all of those. Heas and shoulders above them though was:
    “Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at statistics”.
    That is literally, “a true word said in jest”.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t think Las Vegas will make much money off of you, Andrew!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Ray V. says:

    Bravo. After a very long week, I need a good chuckle 👍😊

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Hahaha! These are all hilarious. Thanks for the Friday laughs! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  12. You have a lot of funny ones there. My daughter is studying to be a dietician, so enjoyed that one too.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Very good, Andrew. I especially like the last one.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Flojo says:

    Ah, the T-Rex and the maid…those are clever! Thanks, Andrew, for the smiles.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. SusanR says:

    There’s a lot of wisdom in here …

    Liked by 3 people

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