This week I happened to drive by a casino, so here’s everything I know about casinos and gambling:
Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at statistics.
How do you make a million playing poker? Start with 10 million.
My friend likes to play strip poker – he always plays his socks off.
The fastest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Elephants won’t play poker in the zoo – there’s just too many cheetahs.
Vampires don’t like gambling – they get real nervous when the stakes are raised.
I was asked to leave the casino – the dealer said I had a chip on my shoulder.
I love eating chips, but they said I can’t do that in the casino anymore.
They arrested a T-Rex at the Black Jack table last night. Turns out he was a small arms dealer.
Why don’t pirates play cards? They’re always standing on the deck.
Why was the sesame seed in the casino? He was on a roll.
I think Jake would be a better maid than poker player – all he does is fold.
In a casino, the easiest way to get a straight flush is to go the restroom.
I read that they kicked a dietician out of the casino – she was caught counting carbs.
I walked into the casino and asked the cashier which machine people get the most money from. She pointed at the ATM.