This week I went with Heather to her portrait painting class. I don’t paint. I was the model. Yup, I sat in a chair while 12 people worked on making a portrait of my face. Some worked in oils, some in pencil, some water color. It was an interesting experience sitting for a couple of hours. There were breaks and I looked at the art work. Some portraits actually look like me. I learned a lot about the artistic process and here is what I know about artists:
What do artists draw at night? The curtains.
What’s the best way to get an artist of your doorstep? Just pay for the pizza.
Why did the artist run out of gas for her van? She didn’t have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
I know an artist so good that he can always draw a crowd.
I was at the shoe store and found out that artists only buy Sketchers.
I saw this guy drawing a picture of a Ford F-150. He’s a real pickup artist.
How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, with a giraffe.
I meet a sculpture who’s doing very well – just last year she made six figures.
Why do people paint Easter eggs? Well, it’s easier than wallpapering them.
There was this artist who always took things too far – he didn’t know where to draw the line.
Why aren’t mathematicians considered artists? Well, there art is derivative.
I went to an exhibit of still-life paintings. It wasn’t moving.
Why didn’t the martial artist not pass the math test? She was kung-fused.
The local art guild just bought a ship – it’s an oil liner.
The most commonly used phrase by working artists: “Do you want fries with that?”
I once asked a tattoo artist to cover my arms with flames. She refused because she didn’t have a firearms permit.
There was an art contest at the museum. It ended in a draw.
They arrested an artist last week. He claims he was framed.
I started writing a joke about a broken pencil, but it was pointless.
The artist said he was thinking of quitting, but he’s in the home sketch.
Andrew's View of the Week 
Drawing the curtains strikes me as a “dad joke”, whatever that means. Maybe dad jokes only bring smirks instead of laughs-out-loud? Regardless, there were several of both on this list. Good stuff!
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Many of these jokes do qualify as dad jokes, but sometimes dad did make me laugh. 😉
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A great collection, thanks for the smiles, and wonderful of you to pose. I’m sure it wasn’t easy sitting still for a couple of hours, even with breaks.
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it had its moments, but still fun.
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Obviously I have to like this one the best: Why didn’t the martial artist not pass the math test? She was kung-fused.
Especially good since I’m terrible at math. 😛
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I added that one just for you. 😉
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Hahaha. I sort of believe you too!
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“Pickup artist” – hahaha! Thanks for the giggles, Andrew. 🙂
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I liked that one. 🙂
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Kudos to you for sitting for those portraits. I don’t think I could sit still long enough as I tend to fidget in my seat (even at church!). But it would be an interesting experience. Hope you get to see some of the end results. As for these jokes — cracked me up as usual, especially the Monet, Degas, Van Gogh one!
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I got a lot of complements on how still I sat. Mostly I was just asleep with my eyes open. 😉
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Ha-ha! That’s a trick my son can play!
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🙂
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I bet that was harder to do than your engineering! Yikes. How wonderful of you to help the artists out.
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It sounds easy, but it’s not.
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Very good jokes, Andrew. Modelling for artists reminds me of the Portrait of Dorian Grey. That book really wormed into my head.
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That story will stay with you for a long time.
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You have an excellent set of jokes here, about a subject that is seldom featured by comedians. My favourite is the one about the “art contest at the museum”.
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I liked that one. Now I’m looking for an occasion to tell that in person somewhere.
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Yep, the van one wins by a mile.
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always one of my favorites. 🙂
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Oh, that van one!
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One of my favorites. 🙂
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I would love to see some of the portraits of you. That must be interesting to have several interpretations of how you appear to them. We had to do drawings of ourselves using a mirror in a class that I had taken. it was one of the hardest things I think I did. People are difficult. Critters are much easier. They can’t tell you they don’t like it or how much you goofed them up. 🙂 Cute jokes, too. Happy Friday.
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There isn’t enough time for them to finish their paintings, but I’m hoping a few will send me a picture of their final work.
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