This week we had all the windows in the house replaced with new fancy energy efficient ones with better security locks. We also had a few upgraded to fancy obscuring glass. It’s a big house so it took the crew two days to replace all the windows. It’s a nice improvement to the house. I like making the house better so here’s everything I know about home improvement:
I went to the home center a few months ago to check out my options for buying new windows. An employee came over to ask if I needed help. I said, “No, just window shopping.”
Okay, so an elephant walks into a bar and now the bar is being renovated.
My neighbor was getting his house renovated and it was robbed during construction, but the burglar left his hand print in the wet cement. Police were able to make an arrest quickly based on the concrete evidence.
They were doing some renovations on Big Ben in London. It wasn’t easy — they had to work around the clock.
Circular saw: a portable tool used to cut studs too short.
Belt sander: an electric tool used to turn minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.
Hammer: a device used to locate the most expensive breakable items close to where you are working.
I was told I have to install a new smoke detector, or as we call it, “the cooking timer.”
What kind of nails don’t carpenters like to hit? Finger nails.
My friend had to sue his contractor over the faulty window installation. It was an open and shut case.
When one door closes, another opens – the sure sign you hired the wrong carpenter.
They were worried they might drop the new window – that can be pane-ful.
I had to fire my roofer – he couldn’t stop eavesdropping.
At Lake Tahoe there are two seasons: Winter and construction.
I did an interview to become a carpenter. They asked me to join two pieces of wood together. I nailed it.
The tallest building the world is a library — it has the most stories.
I know a contractor who has dogs that work on building sites. They’re woofers.
I had to leave my construction job. I just could lift the boards anymore so I gave my too weak notice.
Andrew's View of the Week 
You got me with the window shopping!
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🙂
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I feel like the window shopping line could and should be legitimately used!
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I’ve always wanted to go to the window store and actually say this to a sales person. We had the salesman come to the house to do the estimate so I didn’t get to use the line … sigh …
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Sigh. You know how at stores they often ask, “Did you find everything okay?” I’ve wanted to use the line, “Why, are you hiding things?” but have never had the nerve.
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Now I want to use that next time I go to the grocery store …
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Please do! Then tell us about it!
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You had me at ‘window shopping’! LOL Getting all new windows is quite exciting. We did that at my home when I lived in the Chicago area. It was an older house, but the windows did wonders to modernize it. I am happy for you. 🙂
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These windows are great – the close completely and locks don’t feel like they are just going to fall off on their own.
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Good ones, Andrew! I’m sure you’ll enjoy your new windows. We have energy-efficient windows in our house, too; and I was surprised to discover that they limit the light transmission a bit. Have you noticed a change with yours?
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I have noticed that they do cut the amount of light. But I’ve also noticed how much cooler the house is since we installed. Here in the desert, that is important.
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First laugh of the day. Thanks. 🙂
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🙂
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For me, the best one is the gag about finger nails, although the definition of a hammer runs it very, very close!
Talking of Big Ben, recent repairs to the bells to get them to strike the hours and the quarter hours, only took five years. They obviously don’t hurry themselves too much!
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I’ve had a hammer find one or two things I didn’t want hit … 😉
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I like the elephant one.
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Me too. 🙂
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Laughing out loud over here. 🤣🙋🏻
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🙂
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Cooking timer, huh!
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well, only when I’m cooking and burning things … 😉
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Been there, done that
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