As the Pizza Cooks — Episode … Something

Posted on 10/22/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I forget what episode number I’m on and honestly, it’s just too much work to figure out what it is.  Maybe next time.  Heather and I returned from three weeks of travel two weeks ago and I still feel a bit like I’ve not fully rejoined my life here at home.

Well, I feel like that even when I haven’t been traveling, but that’s a different post.

Don’t expect too much out of this post as the “dazed and confused” feel remains strong today.

Anyway, a little about the trip we took … I’d call it a vacation, but being retired, I’m not sure what vacation means when you don’t work.  I took a vacation from not working by not working on a different continent … sorry that’s a different post. I’ll do that one another time.

The trip we took was a little cruise in the Mediterranean.  We started with two nights in Madrid, yes, not strictly on the Mediterranean, but close.  We had a day at a couple of museums and a walking tour.  Then we got a train to Barcelona where we joined our cruise ship for 11, 12 or was it 13 days.  I forget and am too lazy to open up the folder that has the answer.  Maybe in another post, I’ll have the facts for you.

We did get a walking tour of Barcelona before the ship left for the next port.  There’s only eight minutes till the pizza is done, so I won’t go into all the details of each port.  The very short version is that we stopped in ports in the south of France, Monaco, Italy, around the toe of Italy to Corfu, Croatia and finally Venice where we left the ship and boarded a flight to England to visit Heather’s family.

While it was a wonderful trip with lots of good things, like the food on the ship was outstanding and shipboard experience was just luxury.  Most of the tours on shore where interesting and we enjoyed the day out.

But there were a few things that were, less than we had hoped for:

  1. If you’ve seen one walled city, you’ve seen them all. Seriously, if it wasn’t for our pictures getting their GPS stamp on the cell phone, I couldn’t tell Corfu from Split.  However, any picture with a canal is likely Venice.
  2. Every tourist spot is over crowded.
  3. They don’t have public toilets, anywhere, and if they do you pay for them.
  4. Guided tours never give you enough time to shop in the towns.
  5. Never let the cruise line plan your connecting flights.  They seem to think you need minimum layovers of 6 hours or that you can find your way from the international terminal to the domestic terminal in less than 20 minutes.
  6. The older you get, the more jet lag kicks your butt.

Well, as anything in life, there’s a lot to complain about and a lot to rejoice in.  Over all it was a trip of a lifetime and I’m happy we were able to go.  I’ll post more about as life returns to normal.

But one of the first things I’ll have to explain next time is the difference between bacon and crispy bacon.

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Friday Wisdom – Garbage Trucks

Posted on 10/20/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

Well, I’m back from my travels and the second major thing I had to do at home was to put out the trash. The first most important was to go the grocery store to buy food so we’d have something to put in the garbage cans. Here’s everything I know about the trucks that pick up the trash:

I heard that there isn’t a training program for new truck drivers. They just pick it up as they go.

The garbage company rejected my idea for a new slogan: “Our business stinks, but it’s picking up.”

I can’t help the feeling, but every time I buy garbage bags it feels like throwing away money.

Did you know that garbage collectors can get rich? I mean filthy rich.

I was told that adding herbs to your garbage makes it smell better, but I don’t have thyme for that rubbish.

I think the garbage man recognized me – well, he knows all the trash around here.

I was trying to get rid of my garbage can, but the trash collector just empties it and leaves it there.

My garbage man said he was afraid of getting fired. He’s a good guy, I hope they don’t can him.

A group of small garbage cans is called a “litter.”

I might get a job as a garbage man — I hear the industry is picking up.

I had to buy a new garbage can. Well the old one was trash.

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Friday Wisdom – Cruise Ships

Posted on 09/15/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

Heather and I are traveling soon and part of that will be on a cruise. I’ll post all the details when we return. As part of that, I’m going to be taking a vacation from posting to the blog for about a month. But before I go, here’s everything I know about cruise ships:

You can’t play cards on a cruise ship – the captain is always standing on the deck.

Did you know that the ocean doesn’t speak, it just waves.

I read that cruise ships are planning on installing trampolines. There’s going to be a lot of jumping on board.

I asked the Captain if cruise sink very often. He said, “No, usually only once.”

I was told that ships don’t take certain vegetables on board, like leeks and iceberg lettuce.

I asked a crew member what it’s like to work on a cruise ship. He said it had its ups and downs.

Did you know that fish swim in salt water because pepper makes them sneeze.

What holds up the dock? Pier pressure.

I heard that there might actually be four corners in the Bermuda Triangle. They might have to rename it to the Bermuda Wreck-Tangle.

I saw the Captain in the dining room so I went up to him and asked, “If you’re here, who’s driving the ship?”

My friend took a Spanish language course on a cruise ship. She said she got lost at si.

I’m working on a joke about the world’s fastest cruise ship. It will be a quick one liner.

“arrrr” be what pirates say. “Argg” be what a pirate says when he sits in a belaying pin.

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Friday Wisdom – Woodworking

Posted on 09/08/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I did some woodworking this week so here’s what I know about that:

Woodworking – the art of cutting up large chunks of wood into small chunks,
and then gluing the small chunks together to make something big.

It looks better when viewed from six feet away.

Any one thinking money doesn’t grow on trees, hasn’t bought lumber recently.

Did you hear that the Hulk decided to open a woodworking business? It’s named, “Bruce’s Banisters.”

You know, it was really hard to make this box exactly four degrees out of square.

Measure twice, cut once, fill, sand, fill, …

A lumberjack walks up to a tree and says, “May I axe you something?”

Banks don’t like woodworkers, all they do is open up shavings accounts.

What kind of trees do you make shoes out of? Sandal-wood

I can’t cook wood in my kitchen — I only have non-stick pans …

I was going to write a joke about my scroll saw, but I didn’t think it wood work.

I was going to write joke about trees, but didn’t want to branch out on this post.

Anarchists are bad at carpentry because they have no rulers.

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