Nothing to Say

This hasn’t been an exciting week.  The treatment schedule has faded into a dull routine and the side effects are slightly worse.  The most exciting thing that happened is that I took Friday off work to rest.  Today I find my mental energy low and the words are not flowing freely to the page but yet I am drawn to the computer to key in a few words to give you a bit of a report.

Like the life of anyone touched by disease, I have good days and bad days and days that just melt into other days.

Hum, sounds kind of like normal life…

Today has been a good day because I was able to spend all of it with my wife.  We went to church, to the store to buy a puzzle (we got a 2000 piece one – we’ve never done that  big before), bought groceries and after lunch we went to a movie.  We love to go to movies but often flake out at the last minute and don’t go.  Today we stuck to our plan and saw the film,” Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.”

It’s a good film and you should go see it.  I will warn you that it’s a three hanky film by the end but well worth it.  I won’t go into in detail but it does deal with sudden loss and the emotions around that. The film asked a number of interesting questions but the most important thing to me about the film was being able to share the experience with my wife.

Now I am here, a bit low energy but with a ton of things running through my brain.  There are things I’d like to write about but they aren’t ready yet.  Writing can be a strange process at times.  This might sound odd but most of my writing is done away from the keyboard.  I observe.  I think. I pray. I reflect. I turn my mind off.  I let things percolate.  When the words are ready they come out and hit my screen.  I don’t really know how.  All I do know is that I have to follow them and listen to their energy.

Today there is just life – no energy.  Formless thoughts float through my mind but none have coalesced into a clear picture or keen insight.

Sounds a bit mystical if you ask me.  But then I am a mystic of sorts.  I love a good question more than a solid answer. You’d know all about that if you’ve read my “About page.”

So my view of the week has been a glimpse here and there of things I am working on and a question that my brain is turning over.

The question of the week is something around how do we support each other.  I haven’t found the right question to ask.  It has something to do with why we’re afraid to ask for help.  Why some people’s version of help is just annoying to me and how to get faith communities stop doing cookie cutter support and provide real help, support, encouragement that truly meets the needs of the specific person and situation.

Hate it when I can’t even think of the question.  I wonder if Kermit ever had that problem?

I am working on a post about what books and movies influenced my life.  I’ve got this really cool (at least to me) piece that I am working on about the book “Earth Abides.”

Then Thomas is still on my mind. I got the interpreter’s Bible out the other day and looked that up.  Thomas gets a bum rap. There is more to that but the only words that come to my keyboarding fingers are, “Thomas gets a bum rap.”  Frustrating – I’ve got really good things to say about the dude.  The bits and pieces of that post I can see so far are really inspiring.

And then there is the post in my cancer blog outline on why I was afraid to tell people about my cancer.  Riveting stuff – really.

Sadly all of it is still in that space between my subconscious mind and the keyboard so you don’t get a really good post today.  Just vague mystic weirdness and admission that I’ve got nothing really to say today.

But I do have a 2000 piece jigsaw puzzle to work on.

More later.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I work in the high tech world doing software release engineering Then I got prostate cancer Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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