It snowed here in the desert yesterday so direct from the freezer are the following bits of wisdom.
Before launching into the wisdom, I wanted to address the questions I get about where I get these bits of wisdom. Well, there are really only seven jokes – Read Glenn Grunenberger’s book, There Are Only Seven Jokes. No, I haven’t read the book, I’m just using the title to prove my point. So, it’s really easy to come up with jokes, you just take one of the seven basic prototype jokes, add the subject you joking about, change the point of view and presto – new wisdom each week. Also, Google is a powerful tool. Just typing in, “Jokes about wedding cakes” and you’ll get a million or so references – all rewrites of the seven basic jokes. So on a Friday morning, I pick a subject, like snow, do a little googling and then steal, rewrite, remember my dad’s jokes and generally pick seven to ten really funny lines and call it ‘wisdom.’
I hope that doesn’t spoil your enjoyment of my little Friday column, but that’s how it’s done. Let me start your off with an example of joke rewriting. Here’s the original joke:
How do elves get around at the North Pole? They ride an icicle.
Now let’s change things around a bit:
How did the snowman get downtown? He rode an icicle.
Did you hear Santa’s Sleigh broke down and he had to use is icicle to deliver all the presents?
I read about a guy who robed the ice cream store during a snow storm. Police say he escaped on an icicle.
There was a big snow storm yesterday and the mail truck couldn’t get to my house, so I had to ride my icicle to post office.
and so on for about another 1,000 jokes. That’s how I do it. I cheat. Here’s a couple more for you to share.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
Why did the band go out in the snow to rehearse? They wanted to learn how to play cool music.
What do you call an old snowman? A puddle.
I bought a snow shovel yesterday. Sadly it melted before I got home.
The grandkids have been staring through the window since it started snowing so bad. Guess I’ll have to let them inside.
What do you call a snowboarder without a girl friend? Homeless. (note, this is a rewrite of jokes about painters, musicians, artists, gamblers, etc).
I was out talking to a snowman and he asked, “Can you smell carrots?”