Friday Wisdom – Lawyers

Normally I don’t tell lawyer jokes or even think about lawyers much, but this week was review everything in my life week and I had a phone call with my estate planning attorney to go over changes now that I’m fully retired. She confirmed that it would be best to spend all my money before I die so there is no estate to burden my children with by having to manage it. Well, here are some other thoughts:

The difference between a heard of cattle and a lawyer is that a lawyer charges more.

A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years. A good lawyer can drag a case out for decades.

The difference between an accountant and a lawyer is that an accountant knows he’s boring.

Wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over a penny.

A 32 year old lawyer dies suddenly and is standing at the pearly gates (strange, but true) and says to St. Peter, “But I’m only 32 why am I here?” “Humm, let me check,” Says St. Peter. “Ah here it is, based on the number of hours you’ve billed since becoming a lawyer we thought you were 102.”

The difference between a boxing referee and a lawyer is that the referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

I did some research and found that there are only three lawyer jokes. Everything else were true stories …

You can divide lawyers into two groups: Those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.

A public defender goes to see a client in jail:

“Since this is your first time robbing a butcher shop we can prove you’re not so smart and a bit desperate, I think I can get you a plea deal for light sentence plus time in rehab,” Said the defender.

“Wait, what do you mean not smart!?” Replied the robber.

“Well, you took the cash …”

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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27 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Lawyers

  1. “Wire was invented” – hahaha!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lakshmi Bhat says:

    Good ones πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. peachyamigos says:

    I’m definitely gonna share it with some of the law students I know ~ It was funny though xD

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good stuff, Andrew! Which reminds me that I had a college prof who was also a lawyer. He admitted it outright and made light of it by starting each class with a lawyer joke and asking for some from the students. The only one I remember is one I’ve heard used before but for different groups. You’ve undoubtedly heard it too: What do you call 30 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. That was the first time I’d heard it, though, so at the time, I thought it was pretty good. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jfwknifton says:

    That’s possibly your best effort so far. Well done!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dave says:

    I second the vote on the St. Peter joke – good one! But I’m still mulling over the wire and penny joke. I know there’s a ha-ha in there somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Terry says:

    Ha! An engineer calling an accountant and lawyer boring, now that’s rich.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As the mother of a son with a law degree (who works as a CPA), they are even funnier. Thanks for reminding us that it’s Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. pIEdTyPe says:

    Everybody loves lawyer jokes … except lawyers.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. dfolstad58 says:

    always look forward to fridays and your groaners! “herd” of cattle my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I think the Pearly Gate one is my favorite. πŸ™‚ Have a great weekend! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Love them all… Have a wonderful weekend, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Good ones about lawyers! There are so many great ones.

    Liked by 1 person

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