Normally I don’t tell lawyer jokes or even think about lawyers much, but this week was review everything in my life week and I had a phone call with my estate planning attorney to go over changes now that I’m fully retired. She confirmed that it would be best to spend all my money before I die so there is no estate to burden my children with by having to manage it. Well, here are some other thoughts:
The difference between a heard of cattle and a lawyer is that a lawyer charges more.
A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years. A good lawyer can drag a case out for decades.
The difference between an accountant and a lawyer is that an accountant knows he’s boring.
Wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over a penny.
A 32 year old lawyer dies suddenly and is standing at the pearly gates (strange, but true) and says to St. Peter, “But I’m only 32 why am I here?” “Humm, let me check,” Says St. Peter. “Ah here it is, based on the number of hours you’ve billed since becoming a lawyer we thought you were 102.”
The difference between a boxing referee and a lawyer is that the referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
I did some research and found that there are only three lawyer jokes. Everything else were true stories …
You can divide lawyers into two groups: Those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.
A public defender goes to see a client in jail:
“Since this is your first time robbing a butcher shop we can prove you’re not so smart and a bit desperate, I think I can get you a plea deal for light sentence plus time in rehab,” Said the defender.
“Wait, what do you mean not smart!?” Replied the robber.
“Well, you took the cash …”
Andrew's View of the Week 
“Wire was invented” – hahaha!!
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Made sense to me. 😉
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Good ones 🙂
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🙂
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I’m definitely gonna share it with some of the law students I know ~ It was funny though xD
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🙂
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Good stuff, Andrew! Which reminds me that I had a college prof who was also a lawyer. He admitted it outright and made light of it by starting each class with a lawyer joke and asking for some from the students. The only one I remember is one I’ve heard used before but for different groups. You’ve undoubtedly heard it too: What do you call 30 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. That was the first time I’d heard it, though, so at the time, I thought it was pretty good. 🙂
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It’s a classic! I’ve heard the number range from 20 to 500.
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Yeah, I just pulled a number out of the air. Now that you mention it, I think it was 500.
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That’s possibly your best effort so far. Well done!!
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Thank you!
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I second the vote on the St. Peter joke – good one! But I’m still mulling over the wire and penny joke. I know there’s a ha-ha in there somewhere.
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Copper penny, copper wire. Stretch the penny far enough…
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Ha! An engineer calling an accountant and lawyer boring, now that’s rich.
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🙂
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As the mother of a son with a law degree (who works as a CPA), they are even funnier. Thanks for reminding us that it’s Friday!
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🙂
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Everybody loves lawyer jokes … except lawyers.
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So true.
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always look forward to fridays and your groaners! “herd” of cattle my friend.
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🙂
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I think the Pearly Gate one is my favorite. 🙂 Have a great weekend! 🙂
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One of my favorites.
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Love them all… Have a wonderful weekend, Andrew!
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🙂
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Good ones about lawyers! There are so many great ones.
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It was hard to choose which to use.
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