Normally I don’t tell lawyer jokes or even think about lawyers much, but this week was review everything in my life week and I had a phone call with my estate planning attorney to go over changes now that I’m fully retired. She confirmed that it would be best to spend all my money before I die so there is no estate to burden my children with by having to manage it. Well, here are some other thoughts:
The difference between a heard of cattle and a lawyer is that a lawyer charges more.
A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years. A good lawyer can drag a case out for decades.
The difference between an accountant and a lawyer is that an accountant knows he’s boring.
Wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over a penny.
A 32 year old lawyer dies suddenly and is standing at the pearly gates (strange, but true) and says to St. Peter, “But I’m only 32 why am I here?” “Humm, let me check,” Says St. Peter. “Ah here it is, based on the number of hours you’ve billed since becoming a lawyer we thought you were 102.”
The difference between a boxing referee and a lawyer is that the referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
I did some research and found that there are only three lawyer jokes. Everything else were true stories …
You can divide lawyers into two groups: Those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.
A public defender goes to see a client in jail:
“Since this is your first time robbing a butcher shop we can prove you’re not so smart and a bit desperate, I think I can get you a plea deal for light sentence plus time in rehab,” Said the defender.
“Wait, what do you mean not smart!?” Replied the robber.
“Well, you took the cash …”