Friday Wisdom – Medical

I had two scheduled medical appointments this week, one with my doctor and one with the dentist. I now know so much medical stuff that I can share the following with you:

Health is slowest rate at which you can die.

Nurses walk quietly near the medicine cabinets so they don’t wake the sleeping pills.

My doctor said the worst time to have a heart attack is while playing a game of charades.

I told the doctor that I was loosing my sense of humor. She said it sounded like a case of irony deficiency.

I found this website the other day: conjunctivitis.med — it’s a site for sore eyes.

I told the dentist that I started to suffer from memory loss. He made me pay in advance.

Can an apple a day keep the doctor away? Well, yes, if you have good aim.

I took a banana to the doctor because it wasn’t peeling well.

I called the doctor to tell her I had a sick lemon. She said to give it lemon-aid.

Roverdose: a condition from owning too many dogs.

I had to call the paramedics the other day. I told them that I’d broken my leg in two places. They said to stop going to those places.

My doctor gave me a new kind of cough medicine – I have no idea what to expectorate.

Advice: never tell a lie to an x-ray technician – they can see right through you.

I tried writing a joke about amnesia, but forgot how it goes.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
This entry was posted in wisdom and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Medical

  1. So good!! I read this one the other day: “A 40 year old health care worker who delivers babies started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town. I guess she was having a midwife crisis.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Baydreamer says:

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Like

  3. kathy70 says:

    πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good ones! Who knew charades could be life-threatening? πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Dave says:

    I second a couple of comments. This is one of the best lists you’ve ever posted, every one of them a gem!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Roverdose–that is precious.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Pingback: Andrew’s View of the Week, Guest Blogger Andrew Reynolds – Joy Neal Kidney

  8. Franknbean says:

    I’m down for these are the best wisdom quips in many Friday’s.
    I’ll keep them and thank you.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. jfwknifton says:

    Those are perhaps your best collection yet,especially the joke “Can an apple a day keep the doctor away?”
    Over here we have the running gag..
    “Doctor, doctor,I keep, thinking I’m a (pair of curtains).”
    “Well, pull yourself together”.
    Do those exist in the USA?

    Liked by 2 people

  10. lifelessons says:

    I’ve seen a lot of really bad puns but luckily none of them here! Good ones, Andrew. Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Debra says:

    These are really funny, Andrew. I love the heart attack-charades joke!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. SusanR says:

    Got a good belly laugh out of the charades one.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Health is the slowest rate of which you can die. Gotta remember that one. This is your best yet! Irony deficiency? ha

    Liked by 1 person

I'd love to hear from you about this post,

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.