Saturday Wisdom – Coffee

This week my brother Bill was finally discharged from the hospital so I had another long drive back to San Jose to get him settled at home. When I’m on the road I stop a lot at Starbucks for caffeine (coffee) , so here’s what I know about Starbucks and coffee:

I learned that there is a sad coffee – it’s called depresso.

I was sitting in my car outside Starbucks drinking a latte in my slippers when I thought, “They should have given me a cup.”

I went to the urgent care doctor and told her that I get a stabbing pain in my face every time I take a sip of coffee. She said to take the spoon out of my mug.

What kind of money do they use on the space station? Star-bucks.

The kid next door is like coffee – always getting grounded.

I have no problem with caffeine. I have a lot of problems without caffeine.

I was in Starbucks when someone stole my cappuccino. The Barista called the police and reported a mugging.

Never give a snake coffee – it makes them viperactive.

Paul McCartney is rumored to be working on a new song for a Starbucks commercial – Latte it Be!

I knew a guy who got fired from Starbucks for not changing the coffee filters. Turns out that’s grounds for dismissal.

A guy I knew took a first date to Starbucks. Turns out he’d forgotten her name …

I was reading about this lady who sued Starbucks. The judge threw out the lawsuit because she had no grounds.

I bought a coffee in Starbucks today. No idea what that is in Earth money.

I tried a new drink a Starbucks today, but it tasted familiar. It was a case of Deja Brew.

Years ago I was manager of an IT team and I put a sign on the coffee pot saying, “Break fluid.”

Tolkien’s first draft: Not all who wander are lost. / They’re just looking for coffee …

Coffee raises my heart rate, so I count a large mug of coffee as my aerobic exercise for the day.

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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23 Responses to Saturday Wisdom – Coffee

  1. HI Andrew, I am very happy to know your brother is out of hospital.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tolkien’s first draft: Not all who wander are lost. / They’re just looking for coffee …

    These are even better than the shoes puns.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. totallytina says:

    Ha ha, these were unique quotes about coffee. Made me chuckle!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great news on your brother! And yes – the wonderful “Nectar of life” as I call it: COFFEE! ❀ ❀ ❀ I like the 'Depresso' one – but I would change it to 'Anti-Depresso' πŸ˜‰ Thank you for the smiles as always. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Glad to hear your brother is back home. Hopefully, doing better and that your jokes didn’t cause him too much stomach pain from laughing. There are some good ones in there!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for the coffee chuckles! I’m so glad to hear that your brother has improved enough to be released. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Cute, Andrew! Did you regale your brother with these? I stopped going to Starbucks when an 18-yo started telling me how to live my life! Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dave says:

    The “first date” joke may not be unique to Starbucks but it’s still my favorite πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. jfwknifton says:

    I really liked the one with slippers.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. SusanR says:

    I’ll have to give that last one a try. And I’ll let my son know about the “break fluid” for his office.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Enjoyed your coffee “wisdom,” and also the update on Billy!

    Liked by 1 person

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