Today is Veteran’s Day and we remember all who served in our armed forces. My father served in WWII as an army radar operator and maintenance specialist with the Coastal Artillery Corps in the Aleutian Islands. There wasn’t much action there and mostly his posts operated long range bombers that were attacking northern Japan. Now there was one night that they thought they were tracking an enemy ship just off the coast, but when the sun came up it turned out to just be a big rock in the harbor.
My brother served in the California Army National Guard for 26 years. He was only called up for service once during his service and that was for the 1991 LA riots. This really bothered me when I heard. You see, my bother was a mortarman and I was wondering how bad things must be down there if you need a mortar platoon for a riot.
Me, I never serve. When I was 18, I considered it. My father told me that I’d make a horrible solider and if Uncle Sam needed me, he’d call. Uncle Sam never called. Which is likely a good thing since my friends voted me, “Most likely to drop a live grenade in my own foxhole.”
But that hasn’t stopped me from being a supporter of our veterans, a student of military history and a collector of military wisdom so here’s what I know about our men and women who serve:
What is the soldier’s least favorite month? March.
ARMY is actually an acronym. It stands for: A Recruiter Misled You.
The Navy recruiter told me that I needed at least seven C’s in High School to join.
The new private was told to take cover, so he stole a blanket.
Each service uses stars differently: The Army sleeps under the stars, the Navy navigates by the starts, the Air Force chooses hotels by the star.
You heard about the karate master who joined the Army? First time he saluted, he nearly chopped his own head off.
Why don’t the Marines accept Twitter users into their ranks? They’re too quick to retweet.
Where do Generals keep their armies? In their sleevies.
What happened when the Airman walked into an enemy bar? He got bombed.
A drill sergeant yells at a trainee, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning!” The trainee replies, “Thank you very much sergeant!”
Note to all mess officers, “Coffee tastes better if the latrines are downstream from the encampment.”
What’s the difference between a carrier pilot and God? God doesn’t think he’s a carrier pilot.
Second law of military aircraft: The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
How do you know when an Air Force pilot shows up at your party? Don’t worry, he’ll let you as soon as he walks in.
They’re teaching rabbits to fly. Yeah, they want a new hare force.
What do they call a 2nd lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Lost.
Army is actually an acronym. It stands for: Airforce Rejected Me Yesterday.
The Marines’ main mission is to make sure the Army never gets it’s feet wet.
My friend try to join the Marines, but didn’t pass the tests so they put him in the Navy. Turns out he’s sub-marine.
Why don’t sailors play cards? Because the Captain is always standing on the deck.
If you lose your rifle in the Army, they charge you $800. That’s why Captains go down with their ships.
A Navy recruiter asked the high school student if she can swim. She says, “Why? I though you had boats?”
My friend was in the Army and I asked him what his rank was. He wouldn’t say. Told me it was private.
Andrew's View of the Week 
This one was my favorite: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning!” Of course, sub-marine, and he told me it was private are right up there. 😛
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That was great!
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🙂
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Very good, Andrew. We also honour Remembrance / Veteran Day.
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It’s good to remember them.
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“Armies” and “sleevies” – I’ve heard that one before but none of the others. I’ll bet there’s an endless supply of zingers among the ranks; all you have to do is ask.
I am grateful for your father’s and brother’s service.
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It was fun writing all these!
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Good, as always. 🙂 Happy weekend.
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Thank you!
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These are some of your very best yet.
Indeed, if you ever come across the lies told to volunteers for the army in the First World War, you would very soon realise that the idea that “ARMY” stands for “A Recruiter Misled You” was absolutely 100% true.
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I think a lot of those guys would agree!
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We owe our veterans so much! Sincere thanks to all of them.
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We do owe them a lot!
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Ha! Wait’ll she finds out one of the tests is jumping off a high dive!
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That will be a shocker. 😉
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They were ALL great! For your Dad/brother, thank them for their service. For you, appreciate you knowing military history and good jokes – that counts too!
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Thank you!
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Don’t they need unit comedians???
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You’d think they would. 😉
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Thank you!
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NAVY = Never Again Volunteer Yourself. (Although I enjoyed my 12 years in the “Canoe Club.”)
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I love it!
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Oh, Andrew, these are wonderful. I love the captains going down with the ships, and the Twitter retweet. Clever! And your own “most likely to drop a live grenade…” I imagine a soldier could use some humor. You would have been welcomed in foxholes.
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They can use some humor. 🙂
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