Today is Veteran’s Day and we remember all who served in our armed forces. My father served in WWII as an army radar operator and maintenance specialist with the Coastal Artillery Corps in the Aleutian Islands. There wasn’t much action there and mostly his posts operated long range bombers that were attacking northern Japan. Now there was one night that they thought they were tracking an enemy ship just off the coast, but when the sun came up it turned out to just be a big rock in the harbor.
My brother served in the California Army National Guard for 26 years. He was only called up for service once during his service and that was for the 1991 LA riots. This really bothered me when I heard. You see, my bother was a mortarman and I was wondering how bad things must be down there if you need a mortar platoon for a riot.
Me, I never serve. When I was 18, I considered it. My father told me that I’d make a horrible solider and if Uncle Sam needed me, he’d call. Uncle Sam never called. Which is likely a good thing since my friends voted me, “Most likely to drop a live grenade in my own foxhole.”
But that hasn’t stopped me from being a supporter of our veterans, a student of military history and a collector of military wisdom so here’s what I know about our men and women who serve:
What is the soldier’s least favorite month? March.
ARMY is actually an acronym. It stands for: A Recruiter Misled You.
The Navy recruiter told me that I needed at least seven C’s in High School to join.
The new private was told to take cover, so he stole a blanket.
Each service uses stars differently: The Army sleeps under the stars, the Navy navigates by the starts, the Air Force chooses hotels by the star.
You heard about the karate master who joined the Army? First time he saluted, he nearly chopped his own head off.
Why don’t the Marines accept Twitter users into their ranks? They’re too quick to retweet.
Where do Generals keep their armies? In their sleevies.
What happened when the Airman walked into an enemy bar? He got bombed.
A drill sergeant yells at a trainee, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning!” The trainee replies, “Thank you very much sergeant!”
Note to all mess officers, “Coffee tastes better if the latrines are downstream from the encampment.”
What’s the difference between a carrier pilot and God? God doesn’t think he’s a carrier pilot.
Second law of military aircraft: The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
How do you know when an Air Force pilot shows up at your party? Don’t worry, he’ll let you as soon as he walks in.
They’re teaching rabbits to fly. Yeah, they want a new hare force.
What do they call a 2nd lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Lost.
Army is actually an acronym. It stands for: Airforce Rejected Me Yesterday.
The Marines’ main mission is to make sure the Army never gets it’s feet wet.
My friend try to join the Marines, but didn’t pass the tests so they put him in the Navy. Turns out he’s sub-marine.
Why don’t sailors play cards? Because the Captain is always standing on the deck.
If you lose your rifle in the Army, they charge you $800. That’s why Captains go down with their ships.
A Navy recruiter asked the high school student if she can swim. She says, “Why? I though you had boats?”
My friend was in the Army and I asked him what his rank was. He wouldn’t say. Told me it was private.