Friday Wisdom – Santa

Christmas is Sunday so today we have the required Santa Claus wisdom and next week will be the required New Year’s resolutions wisdom. I hope you all have a great Christmas and a wonderful new year, but now it’s time to hear about our friend Santa:

Did you know that there are people who are afraid of Santa Clause? They’re called Claustrophobic.

My advice to children: If you want a puppy for Christmas, beg for a baby brother.

There’s nothing like the joy of a child opening a PlayStation box to find the three dozen pairs of socks you bought them.

Never mess with Santa – he has a black belt.

The elves at the North Pole are also known as Subordinate Clauses.

Why did Santa stop at the liquor store? He needed some Christmas Spirits.

Santa was having trouble walking so he went to the doctor where he was diagnosed with a bad case of mistletoe.

Most kids stop believing in Santa when they start getting clothes for Christmas.

At Christmas dogs get presents from Santa Paws.

Just after the first two wise men gave their gifts of gold and frankincense and were about to leave, the third wise man said, “Wait, there’s myrrh.”

What do gingerbread men sleep under? A cookie sheet.

Why doesn’t Santa ever get sick? He has a great Elf plan.

Did you hear about the child who didn’t believe in Santa? He was a rebel without a Claus.

I saw Santa coming out of a psychiatrist’s office – I guess he didn’t believe in himself anymore.

What is the favorite song of a mom with a newborn? Silent Night.

Santa just installed GPS on his sleigh. He’s tried of being a lost Claus.

Did you know it’s getting more difficult to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered.

What did the reindeer say when Santa landed on the South Pole, “This is a lost Claus.”

About Andrew Reynolds

Born in California Did the school thing studying electronics, computers, release engineering and literary criticism. I worked in the high tech world doing software release engineering and am now retired. Then I got prostate cancer. Now I am a blogger and work in my wood shop doing scroll saw work and marquetry.
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40 Responses to Friday Wisdom – Santa

  1. Thanks for the Christmas cheer, Andrew! Better late than never for me getting here, eh? I hope you had a wonderful day! Looking forward to the New Year wisdom. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  2. marlagro says:

    These are great! Thanks for the giggles. Merry Christmas ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Merry Christmas to you and your family, Andrew. Thanks for all your uplifting posts! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha! I particularly liked ‘wait, there’s myrrh’. Merry Christmas, Andrew! πŸŽ„

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ho! Ho! Ho! πŸŽ„ Thanks for all the smiles… Wishing you and yours A Very Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jfwknifton says:

    One of your best Friday posts ever. And one of your best jokes ever is the one ending β€œWait, there’s myrrh.”. I really did not see that one coming.
    Happy Christmas to you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Elita Sheen says:

    Haha you’ve got some great ones there! Merry ChristmasπŸŽ…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Merry Christmas, Andrew. I’m looking forward to your New Years funnies!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. SusanR says:

    Merry Christmas, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. cindy knoke says:

    Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas Andrew!πŸ””πŸŽ‰πŸŽ…πŸŽπŸŽ„

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Well, now I’m all set for the weekend. Thanks, Andrew!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. These were all fabulous!! I can’t even pick a β€œbest one!” Merry Christmas! Look forward to Dec 31 and your musings. Did you finish your table runner?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Merry Christmas Andrew. Have a peaceful holiday

    Liked by 1 person

  14. lol Merry Christmas Andrew

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I can always count on you for a smile, Andrew

    Liked by 1 person

  16. cindy knoke says:

    Laughing! Merry Christmas! πŸ””πŸŽ‰πŸŽ…πŸŽπŸŽ„

    Liked by 1 person

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