I go the word last night that a friend of mine just became a grandfather. He reported mother and grandson are doing well. He’s a little new to this grandpa business so here what I’ve told him about being a grandfather:
What is an old dad joke called? A grandpa joke.
Grandpa told me that when he was in school there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew ‘Y’.
No one can forget grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Any bets on how far I can kick it?”
I’d rather die in my sleep like grandpa and not yelling and screaming like his passengers in the back seat.
Grandfather said that in the old days people could just keep their doors open … which explains why his submarine sank.
Grandpa used to say that back in his day you could put a dollar in your pocket, go into a store and walk out with bread, eggs, milk and butter. But these days there are too many security cameras …
At 90 my grandpa didn’t use glasses — he drank straight from the bottle.
Granddad’s last wish was to have his ashes made into diamonds. That’s a lot of pressure.
On his deathbed grandpa said to me, “It’s worth paying extra for good speakers.” I thought that was sound advice.
Grandma says she still remembers grandpa’s last words, “Are you still holding the ladder?”
When he turned 65 grandpa started walking two miles a day. He’s 77 this year and no one knows where he is.
Grandpa’s bedtime is three hours after he falls asleep on the sofa.
We tried to talk grandpa into going to a yoga class. It was a bit of a stretch.
Grandfather use to say, “When one door closes another one opens.” He was a great man, but a lousy cabinet maker.
Little Joey asked grandpa if he could have a cookie. Grandpa said, “What’s the rule about cookies?” Joey replied with a sigh, “No cookies until after dinner.” Grandpa said, “No, that’s grandma’s rule, my rule is: bring me one too.”
