Writing Through the Pain

This is one of those weeks where I should probably just skip writing and call in sick to this blog.  Except that you all know that it would take me 700 words to say I am not going to write today so what the heck – I’ll just write.  Please lower your expectations on today’s post because I certainly am not up to putting out much effort.

I suppose I now have to explain the first sentence.  It’s just a simple headache – I woke up with it and it refuses to go away.  So far the following remedies have failed:

ibuprofen
Starbucks raspberry latte with pastry
Grilled Cheese sandwich
Working in the shop
Hot bath
Sitting still quietly in front of the computer
Cup of tea

Now, it’s really bad when a cup of tea won’t cure a headache.  Tea is good for everything and is the general specific for most aliments.  It’s rare that a cup of tea won’t make things better.  Sadly, I sit here with a cup of tea and a home-made scone – Heather makes the best scones, if there were any left I’d invite you over for some.

Okay, there are plenty left but I am going to be selfish and keep them all for me, er us, um – Heather and I.

Boom, boom, boom – I keep hearing that sound.  It’s either half time at the super bowl or the sound of my headache.  I also feel a little sick to my tummy and the world is spinning a bit.  I wouldn’t mind the world spinning around so much if it would just keep going the same direction.  First it’s clockwise then counter-clockwise – make up your mind, spin left, or right, just quit changing.  Making me sea sick and I’m 30 miles from the nearest boat ramp (well that’s a lie, I have no idea where there’s a boat ramp around here).

Wish I knew why I have a pain in the brain.  I can rule out a hangover – I haven’t had enough to drink in the last decade to rate one of those.  Although a hangover wouldn’t be so bad – at least I’d have a few vague memories about having had a good time at some point during the previous evening.  The only thing I can point to is that I didn’t sleep well last night.  Bit of trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep.  Don’t know why – don’t recall dwelling on anyone thought, other than, “when will I go to sleep?”

Maybe it’s just residual stress from work last week.  They’re moving me to a new office on Monday and there was the usual stressers involved there plus the fact that the commute to the new office is going to suck. Then there was the massive failure of my servers and well, just having to show up at work.

Maybe it came from seeing my financial adviser on Friday and learning how far from retirement I really am.  He seemed unable to help me with my plan to become eccentric millionaire who’s retired to a small seashore village spending his days making candle holders from drift wood.  Well, he was able to help with part of the plan – he was fairly certain I’ve got eccentric down.

Maybe it was thinking about a question a friend asked about 18 months ago.  After talking to friends about all the creative stuff Heather and I do, I was asked, “Are you going to do commission work?”

Still trying to figure out if she was being serious, or if I just missed a joke somewhere.

Maybe that’s why I have a headache – takes forever for a thought to make it all the from one side of my brain to the other.

I have thought about making a living from my woodworking.  So far my conclusion is: that would be cool.  Sometimes I think I should sell some of my work, if for no other reason than earning a few dollars to buy new tools, wood and supplies.  Don’t discount the vanity factor either.  Come on, wouldn’t it make you feel good to know that people would actually pay you money, real cash money, for the things you make with your own hands?

It would make me feel good.  Might help my headache.

Till next week,
Andrew

Posted in General, Health | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Birthday Post

Don’t you hate it when a song gets in your head and won’t leave?  Yesterday morning when I woke up, this Tennessee Ernie Ford song running through my brain:

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store

It’s the second line that I’m stuck on at the moment – “another day older.”

Yes, I am feeling older today.  If I were to point to any single event that got me feeling that way I’d have to say it had a lot to do with the fact that my birthday was last week.  Just something about a birthday that gets a man to feelin’ his years, fer sure, fer dang sure.

Yes, sir, I’m feeling mighty old ‘bout now…

Sorry – the song started my brain thinking in a bad country accent.  I have to say that my birthday has just been making me feel weird all week.  Yes, we all have birthdays – they are inevitable – but this year it’s not just about getting old.  It’s about memories, unfulfilled dreams, desires, wondering if I still dare to dream big, survival and wondering if I’ve won.

The ghost that popped up for me this week was my radiation treatments.  One year ago I was getting up at 5:30 every morning so I could be at the cancer treatment center for my daily 7:00 am ride in the radiation machine.  Last year’s birthday started with a trip to zap them nasty little cancer cells into oblivion.

Those memories and my birthday are now forever intertwined. Next year on my birthday I’ll be one year older and two years away from treatment.

It’s kind of like Argentina.

Oh, guess I need to explain that one.  When I was in the sixth grade I had to write this report on Argentina for social studies.  That year the song, “A Horse with No Name” was popular and I listened to it many times while writing the report.  Now, whenever that song comes on the oldies – er, “Classic Rock” – station, the first thing I think of is Argentina and that their big export is beef and that they call their cowboys, vaqueros.

I fear that I am now doomed to think of my birthday and cancer in the same thought.  In time I’d expect the association to dim – if it wasn’t for the fear in the back of my mind.

Fear of the question, “Did I beat it?”

I can give you a number of answers to that – some sarcastic and some reassuring but nothing with any degree of certainty.  The problem with this disease is that we usually can only speak in percentages and probabilities.  There is some testing that can be done and so far mine are all good.  There is a strong possibility that I have had a successful treatment and I am nearly fully recovered from the treatments (expect for a few side effects like hemorrhoids which I am sure you don’t really want me to write about).

So, did I doge that bullet?  Can I call you back in four years on that?  Generally the doctors say that if you don’t have a reoccurrence within five years you’re good and can consider yourself cancer free.  That’s where the fear comes in for every PSA test and birthday for the next four years – what if?

Well, that subject won’t come up again for a while, so it’s time to do what ‘being touched by cancer’ teaches so well – live.  Just live life with everything you have.  Dream big. Do everything you’re able while you’re able.  Now is the only time we have.

So today I spent time at church, in my shop and with my wife.  Tonight is our pizza night (a healthy spinach one with a rice crust and low-fat cheese, but it’s still a pizza) and we’ll work on finishing a puzzle while the TV is on.  Simple pleasures of being alive.

That’s the part of my birthday this year that I’d rather remember – the card my Heather gave me, the cake my co-workers surprised me with, dinner out, the marquetry workshop I attended yesterday, the work I did in the shop and all those little things that show that I am still alive.

As the calendar page turns, I look forward to all the events that are written on the pages of the months to come and all the life that I have to enjoy.  There fear will remain for a time and as the years go by I hope that the “c” word becomes less in my life.

It’s my dream that I’ll be writing less about my health and more about the trails I hike, the things I build and the life that I am living.  That would be the best birthday present ever.

Till next week,
Andrew

Posted in Health, Prostate Cancer | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Warmer

It’s warmer here today.  Nearly 62.  Not exactly California warm but warm enough that I’m only wearing one flannel shirt.  I’ve managed to get some time in the workshop this weekend and I finished reading that book I told you about last week, “Fat Chance, Beating the Odds Against sugar, processed food, obesity, and disease” by Robert H. Lustig.

Reading is what I do when I can’t get into the workshop.  I read all kinds of stuff – news, blogs, books, junk mail, cereal boxes and just the other day I went out to read the stuff written on the sides of my tires (not bad but the plot’s a little thin).  Lately I’ve been following more blogs.  I have a few favorites and there are a few I’ve deleted from my browser history vowing never to read them again.

One of my favorite’s this month was Charles’s post over on Mostly Bright Ideas (he has these great little cartoons too).  “The Behinder I Get Part 1” is a fun reflect into the history of computers from the 80s.  Yup both fun and depressing.  Fun to see pictures of all that old stuff.  Depressing to realize I used to work for the companies that made that stuff – all that great work I did then, is now just a layer in landfills around the planet (a few pieces did make it into museums).

Thinking about the 80’s also got me thinking about diets.  It was sometime in that decade that my doctor first mentioned I had high blood pressure and needed to lose a few pounds.  The diet he suggested was basically warm water and limp lettuce. I lasted about two days on the diet.  When I mentioned this to my father, he showed me this article he’d read about a new theory called, “the set point.”  I read it too and basically the theory went, “Diets don’t work because your body has decided what it will weigh and whatever you do your body/brain will defeat your puny little dieting plans…”

or something like that.  According to the article the trick is to reset the set point.  Don’t recall if the article actual said how to do that – come on, it was thirty years ago and I wasn’t really interested then.

Today I am kind of interested.  My body seems to think I don’t weigh enough and keeps adding pounds even though I’ve mostly given up eating.  Shredded wheat for breakfast, salads for lunch and not much more for dinner and I’ve put on ten pounds since Thanksgiving.  Okay, I’ve had a few extra snickerdoodles and that extra plate of turkey – but not ten pounds worth.

So when I learned about Dr. Lustig’s book I had some hopes he knew the magic that would release the weight-loss-power of my daily lettuce.

Lustig’s book did prove to me that sugar is evil and that we as a society are consuming far too much of the evil white powder and it’s evil twin, high fructose corn syrup.  Don’t miss understand – I find Lustig’s book and conclusions very compelling and when he leads his army to smash the HFCS tanks at ConArga, I’ll be there with my ax.  I mean the dude is right and I can’t find a flaw in his science.

The problem I have with the book is that it is more about macro problems – problems that affect our whole society – rather than what the individual can do to affect their own weight.  However he does have a section on that and it comes down to a few basics:

Sugar is processed directly into fat with a side order of toxins and raises your insulin level.  Increased insulin reduces leptin, the thing that tells your brain your full and don’t need more food so you can keep eating.  It’s kind of complex but eating too much sugar sets up a “metabolic syndrome” that convinces your body to store everything as fat and reduce the amount of calories you burn.

Lustig states that diets will fail because of this syndrome – you can’t expect a simple change of behavior to overcome your biochemistry.  About halfway through the book I was in a bit of despair, but I could see a way to beat the biochemistry.

All is not lost and Lustig does offer a few things that can break the metabolic syndrome and affect a change in biochemistry.  It comes down to reducing the insulin spikes and making leptin effective again.  Here are the basic actions:

  1. Don’t eat sugar – especially drinking sugary drinks like sodas, juices and sports drinks.
  2. Increase you fiber intake, whole grains, fruits, veggies, etc.  Fiber slows down the absorption of sugar and reduces the insulin spikes.
  3. Exercise.  Any kind.  Just move the body.  Not because it burns fat directly but rather it helps clear out certain toxins; builds these thingys in your muscle cells that burn food even when resting and does lots-o-good things (go read the book for the whole list).

Now I look at what I eat and I don’t have much adjustment to make.  I rarely drink sodas (okay, I had two last month, I admit it, call the sugar police) but do indulge in my weekly Starbucks flavored drink with – OMG, that much sugar?  And did you look at this low fat yogurt I eat.  Great they took out the fat and replaced it with 20 grams of sugar – Lustig points out that most “low fat” foods simple replace fat with sugar and the resulting food product isn’t really any better for you.

So here is my plan – no more of the sugary yogurt; a small unflavored latte once a week; find and remove any other sources of refined sugar.  Then add more fiber to my diet – oh joy, more veggies and fruit.  Finally, walk at least a mile a day and work up to two a day.  Then see if that does any good.

My other plan is to ignore the whole thing and go to my workshop to work on more fun projects like this clock that I’ve almost completed.  And the next book I read won’t have anything to do with health.  Maybe a good spy novel or table saw manual.

Italian Fretwork Shelf Clock

Fretwork Clock

Posted in Health, Prostate Cancer, woodworking | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Stevens Creek Nature Trail – The Reluctant HikerThe Reluctant Hiker

Here it is my Wednesday reblog.  This week – hiking.  This is a hike Heather and I took last fall.  Just got around to writing it up.

Stevens Creek Nature Trail – The Reluctant HikerThe Reluctant Hiker.

Posted in Hiking | Tagged , | Comments Off on Stevens Creek Nature Trail – The Reluctant HikerThe Reluctant Hiker