Andrew's View of the Week

The Year in Review Post

Posted on 12/30/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

Well, you knew I had to write this. It’s that time of year when we look back on the year that was and start planning for the new year. Some will make New Year’s resolutions they know they won’t keep and I’ll likely renew my resolution to not make any resolutions since I know I haven’t got a chance in hell of keeping one.

Let’s start the review of my 2012. Short version: it sucked – except for the part where I still have my soul mate Heather; did the trip to Paris; was able to work in my shop; making snickerdoodles last week, and this blog.

2012 will forever be that year in which my life changed and the “C” word engraved its self on my being. My health in general has not been good and as a result I’ve not been able to do everything I wanted to. Today while reflecting, I am reminded of one of my favorite books, “Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck. See my “Intertextual Andrew” page for more about it’s influence on my life.

On the title page Steinbeck quotes this line from a Robert Burns poem: “The best laid schemes of mice and men / Go often awry,”

The line is from the poem, To a Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough and the two lines come from this stanza near the end:

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

Just before my cancer diagnosis in 2011 Heather and I had made our decision to take our grandson on a trip to Europe. We were going to offer him the choice of what city but knew he would pick Paris. All through the medical process the big question was, “Will I be well enough to travel.” All my doctors promised that I would be well in time and they also were able to schedule my treatments early enough in the year so I could travel.

So at least one of my promised joys came true in defiance of the poem. Sadly other things didn’t work out as well. I had to skip our summer camping trip because of the hernia surgery and I had to step away from most of my activities in church to save my energy to keeping working at my job and heal.

I am happy that I was able to get some time to get a few projects done in my workshop. Early in 2012 I made the decision to write every week in this blog and I’ve been able to mostly do that. Well, at least I’ve posted on most Sundays. It’s strange but getting the cancer is the one thing that finally unleashed my desire to write regularly. I’ve always wanted to and from time to time I’ve written a few things, but nothing like this last year.

The WordPress folks just sent out their end of the year report on my blog and I am very happy to discover that people have actually be reading my writing. I love to write but it’s even better when you find out that people have been reading it too. In 2012 I’ve had 9,500 visits to this little blog and over 11,000 all time visits. There are close to 190 comments with only half of them being mine. Thanks to all of you who read and commented this blog. You really make the effort worth it.

What I do find strange is that my most popular post is the one on our Murphy bed project with number two being a post I did on this crappy little table saw stand I made. You have to get to my third and fourth most popular posts to read about cancer with, “What to say to a cancer patient” and “First Post Again” where I started my series on prostate cancer.

As in all matters of creativity, none of the posts I really liked writing seemed to make even a little blip on the radar. So I guess if I want to get to 100,000 visitors to this site I’d better start writing more about Murphy beds and table saw stands.

Actually I’ve considered deleting that Murphy bed post so people will stop reading it. I have considered writing a follow up post to “What to Say to a Cancer Patient.” I’ve also been thinking about writing a post titled, “Get off my Lawn” but that has nothing to do with this post today.

I generally avoid saying what I plan to do in this blog – mostly because of Mr. Steinbeck’s influence on my thinking about planning but today I am going to ignore my rules and here are some of my plans for 2013:

This blog:

Keep writing every Sunday
More pictures, people love pictures
Do a video or two
Keep up my hiking blog

In the workshop:

Reorganize it and clean it up.
Do more marquetry and get one or two pieces done for a show in September
Cabinetry is back on the list – Heather needs some new cabinets in the kitchen and we have a new TV that needs an entertainment center.
Start making Christmas presents in March.

At work:

Look at a career change to a less stressful line of work that still pays health benefits.
Re-look at my early retirement plan.

Around the house:

We have to replace the roof this year – long story but it’s going to be a pain
Actually have the numbers for my CPA to do my taxes in February.
Finish working on the budget for 2011 – er, 2013, well any budget really

Health:

More exercise
Hike in the hills at least once a month
No more cancers

I can’t say what will or won’t happen but I am sure that Burns and Steinbeck would predict that nothing that I’ve planned will happen.

Come back next year and we’ll see if anything on that list really happened.

Posted in General, Health, Marquetry, Prostate Cancer | Tagged cancer patient, Marquetry, Prostate Cancer, spiritual, woodworking | 8 Comments

Christmas Post

Posted on 12/23/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

I am sitting here at the keyboard trying to figure out where this writing session is heading. Outside it’s raining and windy. Inside it’s warm, the Christmas tree is lit and carols are on the CD player. I’ve made a batch of snickerdoodles and had me afternoon tea. Frankly, I’ve thought of just skipping the writing and moving on to a nap.

But I just can’t give up the idea that there is something in my brain that needs to come out. In church this morning I wrote a list of subjects I could write about. I suppose I should have been listening to the pastor, but I figured it would look like I was taking notes. Well here’s the list:

Christmas Post
Thoughts on bringing peace – Creating God’s Kingdom on Earth
Workshop update
Looking back at my first year of having prostate cancer
Music – the power of
Rain on the roof

But sitting here now, none of that really seems like the thing I should be writing about. There is something stuck in my brain. It’s kind of like being mentally constipated – sorry, I won’t finish that analogy.

There is just a lot going on in the world and in my mind. If I really wrote everything that I am thinking of, I’d be writing for two days and would miss Christmas, so like I do at a Christmas buffet dinner, here is a spoonful of each:

I enjoy Christmas a little, more now than in the past. It is a season that brings to mind a mixed bag of feelings. I remember happy days as a child. I remember the difficult times as a teen when my family was racked and torn apart by the after effects of alcoholism. I remember finding comfort at the 11:00 pm Christmas eve service singing “Silent Night” with friends and family. In recent years I have been privileged to join my wife’s family for Christmas and get to bask in the glow of children’s excitement of the season. In the last few years I’ve even been known to decorate the front yard and complain that too many of my neighbors don’t.

Christmas is a time when I think more about bringing peace to this world. Too many children go hungry. Too many people are shattered by the violence of crime and war. Too many people know pain and suffering rather than joy and contentment. Too many people in the Christian community focus only on the rewards they’ll receive in heaven for being good believers and miss the point that God wants us to build heaven here on earth. Our job is in the here and now. Our job is to feed the hungry, give hope to the hopeless and care for one another.

This year I’ve tried to spend more time in my workshop. I am convinced that I need to be making things with my hands. When you give a gift that you’ve made, you’ve given a piece of your heart. I didn’t finish making all the gifts I’d hoped to. Most family won’t mind if they get their Christmas gift in say July, but there is one little boy’s gift I just couldn’t get done in time. Instead of a package, he’ll get an envelope with a picture of the gift on my scroll saw and a promise to finish it soon. That bothers me deeply. Once I finish that gift there will be a big change in the workshop. First there is a major reorganization in the works and then for a few months I’ll be turning my attention to cabinetry and making the kitchen cabinets and the entertainment center I’ve been promising for years.

As always the elephant of prostate cancer is ever-present. Last year at this time I had received my diagnosis and had selected my treatment. The treatment process started two days after Christmas when my urologist place the markers in my prostate that the CT scanner would use to deliver my daily dose of radiation. It’s not something one likes to remember but it is one of those marks in life that just won’t ever go away. This year I am looking forward to better health and being able to do more.

The pastor talked about the power of music during his sermon today (yes, I did listen to some of it). As I write the sounds of Christmas music occasionally drift into my consciousness and I pause on the keyboard to remember something. Music has the power to change how we feel or to remind us of some past pain or joy. In my workshop I have the habit of putting in one of my sea shanty CDs and working for, a “CD” or about an hour. I can’t really explain why I am attracted to that music but there is some in the working song that just makes me sing along. Perhaps it’s a good thing there are power tools running while I am singing.

Today the other music has been rain on the roof. Life giving water. Water to wash the world clean. Tears of God. Rain that drives us indoors and to the fireside. This rain is needed but also it is a barrier. It’s keeping us off the road and delaying our travels. We have boxes of gifts and bags of food and a long drive to Heather’s daughter’s house. There, the grandkids are, and there is where we plan to celebrate Christmas with food, gifts and family. But in the way is a major California storm and a mountain pass blocked by snow. I look out the window and see the rain. On my computer screen are the traffic reports, radar and webcam images of place I need to get through.

The hope is that tomorrow the storm will clear, the snow plows will work and we’ll be able to make the journey. At the end of the road we’ll be surrounded by family and love.

Well, I’ve spent too much time on the keyboard. Time to stop writing – there are other preparations to make.

Peace to you and yours.

Posted in General, Prostate Cancer, woodworking | Tagged cancer patient, Christmas, gifts, Prostate Cancer, rain, scroll saw, snow, spiritual, travel | 3 Comments

No Post this Week

Posted on 12/16/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

Several months ago I promised myself I’d write a blog post every week.

Today I’ve written two blog posts and I am not posting either. I just can’t shake from my mind the events of Friday in Connecticut.

There are no words to express the tragedy and horror of that event and in all my writing today I can’t keep it out.

So today I set aside my words and simply pray for those who have suffered.

Posted in General | Comments Off

Of Elephants and Test Results

Posted on 12/09/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

You’ll be happy to know that I’ve been thinking about this blog post since Friday. No, it hasn’t helped but it has helped me pick my topic for the week: Elephants.

You know those big gray things that show up in your living room and won’t go away until you talk about them. If you think about it, it is a bit of a strange expression, “The elephant in the living room” or “talk about the elephant in the living room.” Which is to say the thing that is so big, it just can’t be ignored – by the way, I did a quick google search on the phrase and it seems that the phrase entered the American lexicon in or about the year 1959 although some sources cite earlier examples.

Also while looking up the elephant phrase I remembered another saying by the respected alcoholic, Father Martin, when he said, “Variety is the spice of life, but routine in the essence of life.” I’d explain more, but the elephant is getting restless. Of course you understand that this is simply a delaying tactic so I don’t have to name what the metaphorical elephant represents.

Well, can’t put it off any longer. The name is: I had my six month PSA test.

Exciting stuff and enough to occupy my full emotional life for a couple of weeks with a host of irrational fears, deep paranoia with a touch of serious, and possibly clinical, depression. In all of this the voice of reason has been silenced and comforting sounds of sea shanties have been drowned out by the stormy seas of uncertainty and doubt.

I figure in matters such as this, I just go for the melodramatic and hope for the best.

So why the drama? Well, you see – this whole prostate cancer thing is a bit unnerving and while the treatment I had in February was appropriate and skillfully administered, there is still always that tiny bit of doubt. In prostate cancer the treatments are a numbers game – a gamble – based on probability and best estimates with no guaranties. The problem is that there are just so many variables that the problem can’t be simplified to, “Do X and you’ll get result Y.” The problem usually comes down to, “do A, B and C and there is a 95% probability that Y happens.”

What does this have to do with PSA? Everything. This simple blood test shows how well the treatment is working, or if the treatment failed. My first follow-up PSA test six months ago showed that the PSA had fallen by half which meant that the radiation did start doing its job.

The good thing and the most frustrating thing about prostate cancer is that it is a slow-growing and also a slow dying cancer. Slow growing is nice because it gives you time to get the right tests and select the best treatment, but zap the darn thing with radiation and the cells take their time about dying. The strange thing about radiation is it doesn’t kill the cancer cells outright. What it does do is to disrupt their DNA so they can’t reproduce and in time they die off. Before the bad cells die they pump PSA into the blood stream and this then becomes the measure of how many bad guys are left.

So for the foreseeable future I’ll have to get a PSA test every six months to measure how many prostate cells still live. As long as the number goes down or stays the same, life is good and I need no further treatments. But in the strange math of statistic probabilities and cancer cells there remains always the slight chance that some cancer cells escaped certain and final death to become a problem again. An event that would again change my life and send me seeking even more annoying and painful medical procedures.

Hence my fear of the test – it’s result. The little number in an email and the uncertain math, whose change dictates the quality and quantity of my remaining life.

The good news is that this time results came back low – dropped by half from the last reading and down to a quarter of the highest reading last year. In fact the level is slightly lower than for a man of my age, indicating that the radiation treatment succeeded and that I have every reason to hope that the cancer is gone.

From fear to hope. That is the theme of my week – the lens through which I am now looking at the world. And I can’t seem to find that elephant – he was right over there.

Hope and the realization of how precious life is.

So as we approach the Christmas season and the weeks pass I say to all of you, live life, enjoy the world around you and fill your days with love.