Who is happy on a Monday? Retired people
Retirement: Half as much money, twice as much husband.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
Retirement: Living life to the full while trying not to run out of money.
Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
Why are there so many retired people in Bible study classes? They’re studying for the final.
Time is money, except when you’re retired.
Among retired folks, tied shoes are considered formal wear.
The real problem with retirement is that you don’t get any days off.
Now that I’m retired I force myself out of bed by the crack of noon.
Retirement – when pants are optional.
First sign it’s time to retire: When you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.