My Third Greatest Fear

Posted on 03/25/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

My third greatest fear has come true.  It finally happened in all its horror.  I’ve been dreading the day this might happen and had hoped to avoid it, but it happened.

Yes friends, my barber retired.

LeeRoy is no longer cutting hair.  His health finally gave out (he’s in his 80’s) and the note on the door says he’s done cutting hair.  It is to be expected, I guess, but how am I going to get my hair cut now?  I don’t know any other barbers.  I am not even sure that there are other barbers in my town.  There must be, but I don’t know for sure.

It’s a source of anxiety for me.  Really.  Oh sure, you’re thinking, just get a new barber.  Easy for you to say, but I generally don’t go around just asking strange barbers to cut my hair.

LeeRoy is the only barber whose ever cut my hair.  Really. Honest. He’s the first barber I remember.  He has been in the same little shop for over 50 years.  I remember as a boy my mother giving me two dollars and peddling my bicycle over to LeeRoy’s. He’d cut my hair and he’d give a piece of bubblegum – bazooka bubblegum.

In all the craziness of my life LeeRoy has been a constant.  If I needed a hair cut I could drive to his shop, sit in the chair and he’d cut my hair.  He’d ask me about my job, my family and as I we got older we’d reminisce about past days.  I think we always had the same conversation, “How’s Rick? How’s Billy? Where are you working?”  The last question was because to him it seemed like I was getting a new job every five minutes – I average two years per job. Over the 32 years of my high-tech career that’s 16 different jobs – it’s no wonder he couldn’t keep up.

I never had to tell him how I wanted my hair cut.  I’ve only ever had one style and I trusted LeeRoy to remember what it was.  It’s a good style and fits me.  I see no reason to change.

But, now me and my hair are lost.  What shall I do?  Do I risk having someone else cut it? What if they get it wrong?  I’ve thought of just shaving it all off – kind of a mourning ritual to mourn the passing of a great barber.  Perhaps I’ll just let it grow long, braid it and become a middle-aged hippie.  I’ll wear love beads and a peace sign but I draw the line at any tattoos or body piercings.

Well, I guess I could find another barber but I don’t really know how.  I mean what would I say to a new barber?  And what about the question, “How would you like your hair cut?”  What!?!  I have no idea – maybe they could call LeeRoy.  And what would happen if I accidentally called the new barber “LeeRoy” in the middle of a hair cut – that could be bad.

After his long years in his shop I know that LeeRoy deserves a rest, but part of me is sad because I know he is one of those people who wouldn’t want to retire.  He is the kind of man who would rather die on the job with his clippers in his hand.  He must be very ill to be forced to quit.  That alone is sad and makes my problem seem small.

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Today

Posted on 03/19/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

Again it is hard to avoid my inner Eeyore and just launch in to a long complaint about – well anything and everything. Frankly there are times when life just sucks, but I am going to try to fight that urge and just look at the good things that have happened. I am still recovering a bit from the radiation treatments. My body and energy level are doing fine, well almost fine – I think my blood pressure (BP) is changing and I need to adjust my meds, again (that’s just the fun of BP). My mind and soul still need more healing. It is my spirit that I struggle with the most – it just feels like it is pointing to empty. Okay, it’s not at empty but it is less than 1/4 of a tank.

It would be great if I had something really wise to say at this point, but I don’t. What I can say about my empty tank is that I am doing things to try to fill it up. I had thought that my little, “intertext” project might help fill my soul, but I still can’t get past Asimov. I should give up on him but there is something there that is bothering me so I’ll just slow down until I figure it out. I have managed to get into the last book of the Foundation trilogy and hope by the end that I’ve come to some conclusion. I have added a few more notes to my influence list (see the Intertextual Andrew tab at the top of the page).

Today is a great day because I finally got it! I found THE CD, THE music that I lost 12 years ago. THE music that I just loved: “Music and Poetry of the Kesh” Music by Todd Barton with the words by Ursula K. Le Guin. Yes, I know you have no idea what the heck I am talking about. But DUDES I GOT THE CD!!! Yes it is odd music from a time in the future that has not yet as been found. It is the music of an ancient future group of people who live in and around the area we would call Napa or perhaps Santa Rosa. The music is a companion piece to Le Guin’s great book, “Always Coming Home.” That book and music have been an influence on my writing style, tastes and desires, since I first read the book. I’ll write more about that book in another post.

Speaking of other posts, I wrote a guest post for the HealingWell blog and it was published last week at: http://blog.healingwell.com/2012/03/guest-post-just-live.html Check it out. It is quite the boost to my ego to have someone else publish my writing.

The other thing I’ve been doing to try to fill my soul is working on my creative projects. There is a both a power and a comfort in creating. This weekend I made some progress on the serving trays. I glued the marquetry down for two of the trays. Here are a couple of pictures of the progress. Heather started the design for third tray – it will be birds over a beach. I hope to cut the marquetry for that next week.

 

Rose in the tray

This is a test fit to see what it will look like when done.

Rose Close Up

A close up picture of the rose marquetry

Well, I had to stop writing there for a minute (5 minutes actually). I am listening to the Kesh music while writing and got the “long sing” track and had to listen to the whole thing. Very healing – can’t explain, you had to be there.

There is something healing in both music and in the act of building with your hands. It is in the act of creating that my soul finds it’s rest and its energy. To fill the soul, I find that I have to fill my mind with music, and my hands with tools.
I’ve been having trouble finding something or explore for the Lent season that is really spiritual or “church like.” At first I thought that thing would be my intertext project but then that isn’t related to Lent – it is related to my cancer and my life. That is not defined by the calendar and cannot be contained to this one period of time, but I have found another project. It is this:

Cross

The cross pattern glued down to the wood.

 

 

Fretwork

A close up of the fretwork for the cross. The area shown is about 3 inches wide.

I found the pattern in the Scroll Sawer magazine. Yes, it is a cross. The little cutouts are called ‘fretwork’ and I am cutting it out on my scroll saw. There are over a hundred to cut. It is detailed work and I have to use a magnify lens to see the detail. The work requires focusing my mind on the line and move the work through the moving blade to cut the line. My mind has to see where the line is going, anticipating when my hands have to turn the wood and while the blade moves and the line is cut my mind is free from worries and cares. While I cut my mind can let down its burdens as it takes in the shape of the thing that is being created.

This has become my Lenten project, my study, my task, my prayer and I find it is enough.

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Just a Week

Posted on 03/11/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

This last week hasn’t been the most exciting week I’ve ever had but at the end of it I am still alive. The week hasn’t exactly gone as I’d planned. Work has been extra specially stressful this week and I had to take my older brother to the doctor. I had visions of starting my exercise program and getting my taxes ready for my accountant – hasn’t happened.

I’ve also been trying to work on my “intertext” project and I’ve managed to add a couple of lines to my influence listings but otherwise, nothing. I was rereading Asimov’s “Foundation” books with hopes of finding a great insight – even started writing a post on the subject – but I ran out of energy and read “Pegasus Bridge” by Stephen Ambrose instead. Good book, it didn’t help me get any closer to my lent goal of “inner reflection,” but it did provide a common interest for me and a co-worker to talk about during a lunch break.

This morning in church I found myself strangely soul weary. It was a good service but nothing in the exercise seem to give me energy and I left wondering why I don’t feel really excited or energized to go do ‘great’ things.

I don’t want to to start dragging everybody down with my woes – which I easily could. Turns out I am really good at telling how bad my life is (I’ve got at least three things on my plate right now I could spin a woeful tale about). But I am going to force myself away from all that and try to ignore my inner “Eeyore” and just focus on the really good day I had this week.

Yesterday, Heather and I went to a marquetry class run by the president of our local club. It was at his shop (that I just envy) – this man has just about every tool a wood worker could want and has more space in his shop than I have in my house. He is very generous with his time and knowledge and we had a great day.

The class was creating marquetry using the pad method. Exactly how it is done is the subject of a different post and requires pictures. Basically it is stacking a bunch of veneers together into a thick pad and cutting them all at once. Then you pick through the pieces to create your picture.

Heather and I are making a set of three serving trays with marquetry. Two of the trays will have roses and one will be a bird. This was the third class session with the club on this. The first time we cut the basic tray. The second class I cut the sides out of walnut and mahogany. Yesterday was about getting the picture cut into the background. There is still a lot of work to do but that will be fun.

I find the whole process interesting, exciting and fun. When we finish the trays we’ll have three objects that we created ourselves. It is in the learning and the creating that I am finding renewal and hope. I don’t have the words to say it right, but here is something that I’ve never been able to do before, that with help from friends I will be able to do. A new skill – a new thing I can create.

I am also found the process rewarding because it was something that Heather and I can do together. Each of us brings something different to the project and together we’re able to make something better that one of us could alone. Turns out I am better at the scroll saw but Heather has a better eye for design and did the sand shading far better than I ever could. By the end of the day we had two roses cut and ready for gluing – something we couldn’t have done on our own.

It is all part of a notion that has been in my head for awhile – it is in creating that we find the source of our spirit and the energy to renew our soul.

Until the next post, I’ll be in the shop – creating something.

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Homecoming Queen

Posted on 03/06/2012 by Andrew Reynolds

I am sure you’ve heard this from me before but at times I’d like to write something just “awesome” and “epic” – two words that are quickly being overused in the bloggsphere – but I’ve got nothing really in my brain today. Still, I figure I can fill 500 words with something. So here I go:

Since I completed my radiation treatments I am slowly recovering. The hemorrhoids have cleared up and my bowels are getting back to normal. It still get to visit the restroom a lot but it is getting better. On the fatigue front, life is slowly getting back to my normal energy state. This last weekend I was able to attend the men’s group at my church and regular services but had to pass on a potluck lunch. I’ve been forcing myself to be more physically active and managed to get a couple of hours yesterday and today in the workshop.

This coming week I plan to continue my physical recovery by restarting my three times a week walking on the tread mill. Hoping to get up to 30 minutes each session. And something that I can’t put off much longer – I’ve got to spend a few evenings this week on the yearly taxes. Joy.

Not hard to to get words down. Making them inspiring is something different.

I’ve been continuing my reflection on past influences. Last week we learned that Davy Jones of the 60’s band, The Monkees, died. I remember watching that show when I was a kid. At six and seven years old I loved their slapstick and chase routines. I also recalled how much I really liked some of their songs, especially, “Daydream Believer,” “Last Train to Clarksville,” and “I am a Believer.”

I can’t say whether I am just attracted to that kind of music or if listening to those songs at that age gave me a taste for that style of music. Still I remembered enough that I’ve added the songs to my list of intertexts. Sorry but if you want to know more about me you’ll need to download the Monkees and listen to their music.

Perhaps the biggest influence of the song “Daydream Believer” is that it is about dreams and believing in dreams. And it asks a question it doesn’t answer in the refrain:

Cheer up, sleepy Jean, Oh, what can it mean,

To a daydream believer,

And a homecoming queen?

For most of my life I’ve been quite content to ask questions I can’t answer. I love a good question. I love thinking of questions – good questions, deep questions and even whimsical ones. After all wasn’t it Doctor Who who asked, “Why does a mouse when it spins?”

Answers aren’t a strong point for me. I like answers that you can look up in the back of a text book but I don’t really like coming up with answers on my own.

Everybody sing, “Oh, what can it mean” da da da “and a homecoming queen?”

I’ll admit that when I read about Davy Jones dying I looked up the songs on Youtube and listened to them, over and over. Perhaps it is a symptom of my current mental state but I spent about 20 minutes pushing and re-pushing the play button on “Day Dream Believer.” Now I am thinking of seeing if they have them on iTunes.

Well, maybe not. Why replay it so much?

Don’t have a good answer but in part it was, comforting. It brought back fond memories of Saturday mornings in front of the TV laughing and singing along (yes I did sing along). It bought back memories of an innocent time – a time when cancer didn’t exist and the biggest fear was that no one wanted to play.

And there is the music – simply lyrics, easy melody and tune I could remember.

Perhaps “simple” sums it up best or more precisely, the need for simplicity. My world lately has been very complicated – work, health, taxes all add a layer of complexity that I’d rather not have. To remember simplicity and innocence – the times when play and running in the sun where the only concerns of my life.

And perhaps there is a sense of loss too – another memory from childhood has an ending date. Davy Jones will no longer tour and sing. And I am again reminded of my mortality.

So, again the button is pressed and the world fades back to a sunny spring afternoon in ’67 with me and my friends running across the lawn, yelling and just being children.

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