Andrew's View of the Week

Friday Wisdom – Investing

Posted on 05/26/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I’ve not been to active here this month as I’ve been putting most of my writing time into my poetry class. Also, I’ve been visiting a lot of medical offices, but that seems to be all cleared up. Today I had a phone call with my investment adviser to review my retirement funds so here’s everything I know about investing:

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect to get it back.

Here’s how to get a million dollars in stock valuation: buy 2 million dollars of stocks.

Money is always there – it just changes pockets.

Remember the golden rule: Those who have the gold make the rules.

My adviser said that a detailed study of the market shows that the best time to buy anything was last year.

The stock market is weird. Every time one person sells, another person buys and both think they’re smart.

One sure place you can always find money is in the dictionary.

I told my father that I wanted to be an investment banker when I grew up, but then I lost interest.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money – IRS auditing department.

The best way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Did you hear about the grumpy banker? He never got any credit.

My broker said that investing in ink is an unwise investment. It’s part of a dyeing industry.

Old cars are a great investment – they double in value every time you fill the gas tank.

I told my accountant that I was going to buy some new speakers for my TV. He thought that was a sound investment.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, investment jokes, wisdom | 22 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Golf

Posted on 05/19/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I don’t play golf myself, but there’s a golf course and country club close to my house and you’ll often see golf carts on the road head over for a round. When I drive out of the neighborhood, I can see the fairway and it is crowed this time of year. Well here is what little I know about golf:

Bumper Sticks for Golf Carts:

You’re the best by par

Green and bear it

Having a Rough Time

You Drive Me Crazy

Putter Late Than Never

A Chip Off The Old Block

What is a golfer’s favorite bird? Just any birdie they can get.

Did you know golfers always carry an extra pair of socks incase they get a hole in one.

Many golfers don’t like pie, too many slices.

Do you know why golf pros teach you to keep your head down while learning to golf? So you won’t see them laughing.

On election day golfs cast asbent-tee ballots.

I told my golfing neighbor that I was bad at golf. He said, “Join the club.”

They use the word “golf” because all the other four letter words were taken.

I asked my golfing friend what he got on his last game. He said, “Depressed.”

He said he took up golf to get his mind off work. Then started to work to take his mind off golf.

Three ways to improve your golf score: Take lessons, practice more, learn to cheat.

It’s easier to hit the fairway when you tee off, if you aren’t too picky about which fairway you hit.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged golf jokes, humor, wisdom | 16 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Doctors

Posted on 05/12/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

This year my doctors have been finding lots of reasons for me to go get medical tests. I think there are basic reasons: I’m over 60 and I complain about stuff to my doctor. A friend of mine thinks it’s because I have a great credit rating and pay all my bills. He suggested that do something to lower my credit rating and the doctors won’t prescribe so many tests. In any case here’s what I’ve learn about doctors:

I told the doctor I thought I was having memory loss – he made me pay in advance.

The medical assistant said, “Doctor there’s a man on line 1 who says he’s invisible.” The doctor replied, “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”

The doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I started jogging and feel 10 years older.

Four years ago my therapist said I had trouble letting go of the past.

Doctor says to the patient, “I’ve not seen you in a long time.” Patient replied, “Yes, I’ve been sick.”

On a job application where it asks who to call in an emergency, I always put, “A good doctor.”

Never go to a plastic surgeon who’s office is filled with portraits by Picasso.

My nurse told me a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

A Dalmatian went to see a doctor. It complained of seeing spots.

An apple a day will keep the doctor away, but only if you’re a good aim.

I wasn’t sure that scoliosis surgery would work, but I now stand corrected.

I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery, but she said I needed to have an opened mind.

I was disappointed with my laser eye surgery – they don’t implant actual lasers.

Most doctors I meat seem very calm. That’s because they have lots of patients.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, medical jokes, wisdom | 21 Comments

Thursday Working – Pressure Testing

Posted on 05/11/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

My repair to the burst irrigation line are complete. Today I did the first pressure testing and so far everything is holding. Here’s what it looks like now:

The new curb stop valve is at the bottom of that grey pipe on the left. That’s there so I can still operate valve after I’ve filled in the hole. I added a second ball valve and a drain valve. This gives me better winterization because I can now drain the line and blow it out with compressed air in the fall. With no water in the line, it won’t burst next year. This new manifold is about a foot below grade and will be covered with an irrigation valve box.

I still need to finish refilling the hole as the bottom shown here is still about two feet down. I’ll do that as my back allows. That’s it for this week. If you need me, I’ll be looking for my heating pad.