Friday Wisdom – Movies

Posted on 01/20/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

We went to see a movie at a real movie theater. There’s no remote control, you just sit down and they start the movie for you. So cool. We saw Tom Hanks in “A Man Called Otto.” Wonderful story and Hanks’ acting was spot on. It was well worth the effort to see it and I do recommend it (that’s as close to a movie review as I get). And here is what I know about theaters and the movies:

I knew an actor who fell the floor once. Turns out it was just a stage he was going through.

This lady got fired as a set designer in Hollywood. She didn’t make a scene.

Our local postal worker gave up her job to perform in a play, but her delivery wasn’t so good.

Once I tried doing stand up comedy on a farm – got mooed off stage.

A friend of my wrote a movie script about the English language, but it turned out to be a play on words.

I once worked as a lighting technician on a movie set once. They said my work was spot on.

I’ve tried writing movie jokes, but it’s all just an act.

Is it me or are all theater jokes staged?

Just read about a robbery over at the movie theater. They said the robbers got nearly $20,000. Apparently they stole 5 bags of popcorn, 6 large cokes, and 10 boxes of Raisinets.

I went to see an R rated movie. There was no violence, swearing, nudity or sex. Frankly it was over rated.

Show the crew at the popcorn counter a little appreciation. After all they make a lot of concessions.

A writer, set designer, and cinematographer walk into a bar … and the director takes all the credit.

I knew from the beginning that the Titanic would sink. I tried to warn people several times. I kept trying until they threw me out of the theater.

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As the Pizza Cooks – Episode 5

Posted on 01/15/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

It’s a not so exciting week here.  A little rain, a bit of snow that didn’t stick, a trip to the grocery store – you know all the exciting stuff of life.  Today is a little special because sun set was at 4:59 pm.

Tomorrow it will be exactly at 5:00 pm.  Okay, maybe most of you don’t follow the exact time of sunset, but it’s something I keep track of.  Mostly this is because I don’t like the short days of winter and I want to have longer days.

It also reminds me of Taps – you know, the bugle call we play at military burials.  Now before it started to be used at burials it was actually played by the US Army as the “lights out” call at forts, camps or wherever the troops happened to be.  In the morning you’d get woken up to the bugle playing reveille.  If that didn’t get you out of bed, rest assured that a sergeant’s boot would be the next thing waking you up.

Armies throughout history have had many different ways to communicate with their soldiers and sometime in the last thousand years or so, trumpets and bugle calls became the way to do that.  Which naturally leads me to remember the Tattoo. Not the kind on your skin, but a trump call that was used in Europe for troops garrisoned in a town.  In those days, most of the soldiers after their daily duty was done, would wander to have a beer.

The word Tattoo derived from a Dutch phrase basically meaning, “Turn off the taps” which ordered inn keepers to close up and send the soldiers to their beds.

In modern times a Military Tattoo is a musical performance.  These are done by Military music groups and are often formal or part of a ritual of some kind.  Every nation has a different tradition here, but these still happen.

What does this all have to do with sunset? Not much, but the timer just went off so it’s pizza time – I’ll have to explain more later.

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Friday Wisdom – Birds

Posted on 01/13/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

Our cats favorite pastime is watching birds. Just outside the the sliding glass door in our family room, we have a number of bird feeders. They come in flocks to feed and at almost anytime of day you can find a cat looking out and chittering at a bird, so here’s everything I know about birds:

A bird that flies over the sea is a seagull. Why isn’t a bird that flies over the bay called a bay-gull?

A flock of birds broke into my house. Police think they used a crowbar.

I’ve been thinking of buying a bird. I hear they’re going cheep.

Why to crows sit on the telephone lines? So they can make long distance caws.

I read there is a bird movie nominated for an Oscar, “Lord of the Wings.”

Did you know that one kind of bird can’t use a comb? Yup, bald eagles.

Did you know that bird royalty have their own home? Yes, Duckingham Palace.

I read that owls like to read books – mostly Hoot-dunits.

There is one bird that is always out of breath – puffins.

My neighbors just called a vet about a sick bird in their yard. They said it was an illegal.

Did you know that ducks eat soup? Yeah, they like it with quackers.

Why do hummingbirds hum? Well, they don’t know the words.

I read that construction companies are now using birds on their jobs. Apparently they’ve hired a lot of cranes.

The weather service said it’s going to rain ducks and geese this weekend and we should prepare for fowl weather.

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As The Pizza Cooks – Episode 4

Posted on 01/08/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

What happens after the snow storms? Snow melts.  Now there are a bunch of ways you can go with that image, but there is just something about just watching snow melt that is just plain — satisfying, intriguing, meditative … there’s no deep message here, just frozen water, turning to liquid and flowing away.

Some of you are thinking that watching snow melt is about as interesting as watching paint dry.  I’m here to tell you that is not true.  I did some research here (okay two searches on YouTube), and I found more videos showing snow melting than paint drying so I’m not alone in this thought.  It’s hard to see paint actually dry, but you can quickly observe how much snow has melted.

Have you ever looked at your snow covered street and wondered why a certain area starts melting before another? Have you wondered why some areas are dry while others are still wet? No? Well, I’ve spent sometime this week contemplating those questions.  I’ve noticed that the street first started melting near the manhole covers over the sewer line.  My driveway started melting from the shoveled parts to the edges and the snow over the lawns started melting in the footsteps I left.  It’s also interesting that all the concrete paths have melted before the lawns or flower beds.

It should be no surprise that areas in the sun melted first or that where the snow was thinest melted faster.  If you really break it down, it’s really a field demonstration of the laws of thermodynamics or how heat moves through … things.  After a storm, the air warms, the sun shines and you need to shovel the driveway so you can drive to the store for more pizza.

Yeah, but when you’re stuck inside all week, well this is the kind of stuff that fills your brain.

Okay, my brain. You might not be as interested in thermodynamics or the properties of snow as I am.  I’d say more on the subject, but the timer just went and the pizza’s done.  

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