Friday Wisdom – Flying

Posted on 07/22/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

This week we’ve had a friend visiting and today we’ll be taking her to the airport so here’s everything I told her about flying:

A good landing is one you can walk away from. An excellent land is one where you can use the airplane again.

Be careful of clouds withs silver linings – it just might be another airplane flying right at you.

The propeller on an airplane is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually see the pilot starting to sweat.

The trouble with airplane jokes is that some are so bad that they don’t land.

It takes a long time to design an airplane – well, no one really wants a ground breaking design.

I came up with a great idea for a new kind of airplane, but I’m not sure it will fly.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights did make an airplane …

Like a new shirt, when you buy an airplane, you can’t keep the hanger.

The seats on most airplanes are so close together that I often get jet leg.

I was seating next to a crying baby and asked for a different seat to get away from it. Turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.

I threw my cell phone off the roof, but it landed on the driveway and broke into a million pieces. I don’t understand – I had airplane mode on …

Do you know the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist designed an airplane. The pessimist invented seat belts.

My friend said she was sick of going to the airport. It might be Terminal Illness.

I was scheduled to do a standup comedy show about airline flights, but it got canceled.

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Friday Wisdom – Swimming

Posted on 07/15/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Yesterday we went to Lake Tahoe for a picnic, little kayaking and swimming so here we go:

I was asked for a donation to help build a community swimming pool. I gave them a gallon of water.

I took a book to read on the beach titled, “The Swimming Pool.” It started out shallow but was very deep by the end.

I was thinking about this – if I was on a desert island the one record I’d like to have is in long distance swimming.

Think about this: Hippos can run and swim faster than humans. That means cycling is your only chance to beat a hippo in a triathlon.

At the beach I saw a teacher jumping in the water – she said she was testing it.

I was watching this guy swim and he was so slow that all he could do was a crawl.

Dentists and swimming coaches have a lot in common. To start with they both use drills …

Name a race that is never run … yup a swimming race.

Elephants love to swim so they also have their trunks with them.

Ghosts like to swim. Their favorite spot is Lake Eerie.

and where to zombies go swimming? Yup, the Dead Sea.

What did the lifeguard say to the impatient swimmer? “Just wade a minute.”

When we left the lake it didn’t say goodbye – it just waved.

I wanted to use the ATM so I could buy ice cream at the snack shack. They told me the closest one was at the river bank.

So far the summer is going swimmingly.

A Few Good Quotes:

I sink, therefore I swam. Anonymous

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. Demetri Martin – comedian

There is water in every lane, so it is OK. Ian Thorpe – Australian swimmer

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years. Alfie Moore – writer, comedian

Swimming isn’t a sport; it’s just a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin – comedian

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Wednesday Working – Insulation Done

Posted on 07/13/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Reno has finally hit it’s summer heat with afternoons near 100. This means I can only work in the shed durning the cool of the morning for about three hours. I have managed to get the insulation fully done:

Ready for the drywall.

Next, I’ll get started on the drywall.

That’s it for this as we have house guests and lots of family stuff going on.

If you need me, I’ll be in the shed.

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Friday Wisdom – Failure

Posted on 07/08/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Last week I discussed success, so this week let’s consider its opposite, failure:

If you try to fail, but succeed, what have you done?

Failure is not an option – it comes bundled with the software.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Note to self: When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Always keep the dream alive: Press the snooze button.

The person who invented autocorrect just died – Restaurant in Peace.

I started out with nothing and have most of it left.

Money talks: Mine mostly says goodbye.

The medium rare chicken recipe was a failure. Yeah, it was a half baked idea.

It’s not a good idea to tell people about your failures while on an elevator. They’ll be disappointed on so many different levels.

Genghis Khan had a brother who failed at everything. His name was Genghis Khan’t.

The professional Hide and Seek tournament was a total failure – Good plays are impossible to find.

My doctor told me:

Drinking vodka over ice can give you kidney failure.
Drinking rum over ice can give you liver failure.
Drinking whiskey over ice can give you heart failure.
Drinking gin over ice can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

I tried to start a dairy farm. It was an udder failure.

When you try to prove that a machine won’t work, it will – Willoughby’s Law

The new computer will fail as soon as the old one is disconnected. Goodin’s Law of Conversions

Murphy’s Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it. Another Axiom to Murphy’s Law

The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most often. Occam’s Electric Razor

Quotes on Failure:

Success always occurs in private, and failure in public. Proverbs

I have not failed … I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomas Alva Edison.

I led the league in “Go get ’em next time” Bod Uecker

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising. Cyril Connolly

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