The Memorial Day Post

On memorial day my thoughts always turn to my father.  I am not going to claim he was a great man or a brave hero.  He was just my father and taught me much about life.  Tomorrow after breakfast I’ll put up my American flag on the house and at sundown I’ll bring it back in.  During the day I’ll remember dad and will likely stop a few times to look at his flag in its box on the shelf in my office above my desk.

I can see it from here – a triangular box with a glass front holding the last thing I ever received from father.  Not directly, but when the VA doctor called me to say he had just died she reminded me to ask for his flag at the mortuary.  She said that sometime mortuaries forget to give the veteran’s family the flag even though the VA always sends one.  As a veteran of World War Two he earned this honor from our nation(see http://www.cem.va.gov/bbene/bflags.asp).

Politically I’d guess you’d call my father a liberal and a pacifist.  He was against the Vietnam War from its earliest beginnings and was vocal in his dislike of firearms.  He never owned a weapon and the only time he ever fired one was during his basic training in 1942.  He told stories of being on the firing range learning to shoot with an Enfield rifle.  Early in the war there was a shortage of the M-1 rifle that came to be the iconic weapon of the foot weary GI.  Just before he was sent overseas he was issued an M-1 and qualified as a marksman on the range with one.  Firing a rifle was about the only combat skill my father ever learned and his stories of holding the weapons were mixed with pride and sadness – pride at his skill with the weapon but sadness that they existed.  He usually ended any story he told about the Enfield, which he preferred over the M-1 (likely because he got a better score with the Enfield) with the phase, “but I am happy to say that I never had to fire my weapon in anger.”

Which is just as well.  My father was not the solider type but he turned 18 the month after the Pearl Harbor attack and in time was drafted into the Army.  He then did the one thing that would best describe his action in WWII – he followed orders and reported for duty.

Just like millions of other young men and boys he packed a small case and boarded a train for an uncertain future.  In later years he told many stories about his training and service – some of them funny and all drilled into his very soul.  He told them so often during his life that I think I can tell most of them with just as much enthusiasm and humor as he did.

But he was no solider.  He was a man called by his country to do his duty as best he could.

During basic training he proved to be physically uncoordinated and more likely to fall into a foxhole injuring our troops long before he sighted the enemy.  Father always told this story about how during the final week of basic training when they had to run the obstacle course.  When father got to the wall they had to climb over, father made one attempt but fell after jumping about half way up.  In an impatient stage whisper the sergeant groaned, “Just go around Reynolds, go around.”

But father was smart.  Very smart and the army need men who could think and learn skilled tasks.  They sent father to radar school to learn to repair and operate radar sets.
The Army taught him to repair and operate radar sets such as SCR-296, SCR-271 and SCR-584.  That in itself was an amazing feat – father had little mechanical ability and after the war didn’t even own a screw driver – no one would let him attempt to repair anything.  He simply did as he was ordered and learned.

After training he was sent to the Aleutian Islands with the coast artillery corps as part of the garrison troops sent there to build an Army airfield.  His job was to keep a radar watch on the ocean, warn of approaching enemy ships and aircraft and in the event of invasion to provide information needed by artillery fire control center.  He sat at his set, maintained it, operated it and kept watch for an enemy that never came.

The air base sent its air craft to bomb northern Japan and my father fought boredom and the cold.  He told stories of the cold and brushing snow off the seats in the latrine and how the wind would blow through the gaps in the wall boards.  Father told me there were two seasons in the Aleutians – winter and the 23rd of July.

When the war was over he came home, went to college, got a job and raised a family.  It wasn’t an easy life for him, he suffered from eyeritious, heart disease and alcoholism.  At the age of 48 he finally confronted his alcoholism and sought help. He never made much money or gained fame.  He would count his greatest achievement as dying sober – the last 29 years of his life – and out living his father.

I do have to admit lying to my father about that sober part.  He really wanted to make it to 30 years.  In his last months he was losing his memory bit by bit.  There was this one day when his mind was clear he asked me, “Have I lived longer than my father?”

“Yes dad, you’ve outlived him by four years now,” I replied.

“Is it July yet?  I’ll be sober 30 years in July.”

“July next month.  I’ll get you a 30 year token.”

“Good.  I wanted to out live my old man and I wanted to make it 30 years.”  Then he fell asleep and never recognized me again as the brain damage took away his memories.

He died in August 2001 at the age of 77.  I figure he gets some credit for his service to this nation.  He didn’t serve in combat but he stood by his radar, stood his watches and followed his orders. Some were called to do more but my father did no less than what he was called to do.

Tomorrow I’ll hoist a flag and remember him and the others he served with.

My Memorial Day Posts from last year:
Remembering the Vietnam Veterans Memorial

My Poem: 21 Guns

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Writing Difficulties – My Ill-Formed Brain

There is so much on my mind lately: writing, shop projects, work, my wife, prostate cancer, and 17th century poets.  The problem now is to decide which to write about.

Since this is my writing night I’ll limit this to writing and 17th century poets.

I am not much of a poetry reader or lover.  It’s rare to find me with a book of poetry under a tree.  The only time I’ve really read a whole book of poetry is when I had to for a class at San Jose State.  Still there are a few poems I know and love.  One of my favorites is this one:

The Author to Her Book
Anne Bradstreet  (1612 – 1672)

Thou ill-formed offspring of my feeble brain,
Who after birth did’st by my side remain,
Till snatcht from thence by friends, less wise than true,
Who thee abroad exposed to public view,
Made thee in rags, halting to th’ press to trudge,
Where errors were not lessened (all may judge).
At thy return my blushing was not small,
My rambling brat (in print) should mother call.
I cast thee by as one unfit for light,
The visage was so irksome in my sight,
Yet being mine own, at length affection would
Thy blemishes amend, if so I could.
I washed thy face, but more defects I saw,
And rubbing off a spot, still made a flaw.
I stretcht thy joints to make thee even feet,
Yet still thou run’st more hobbling than is meet.
In better dress to trim thee was my mind,
But nought save home-spun cloth, i’ th’ house I find.
In this array, ‘mongst vulgars may’st thou roam.
In critic’s hands, beware thou dost not come,
And take thy way where yet thou art not known.
If for thy father askt, say, thou hadst none;
And for thy mother, she alas is poor,
Which caused her thus to send thee out of door.

Great stuff and it’s a poem that often comes to my mind when I sit down to write.  Perhaps you need a little history lesson to fully appreciate this.  Anne Bradstreet lived in what was then known as the Massachusetts Bay Colony.  Bradstreet was the wife of the governor, educated and a poet.  She wrote books and poetry that was circulated among friends and family.  Much of what she wrote survives until today.

In 1647 her brother-in-law traveled to England with a one of her manuscripts of poetry.  He arranged for it to be published – likely against her wishes (although this point isn’t clear to me).  Women of her time had few rights and likely she would have had little power to stop the publication.

The above poem is a response to that publication.  The poem is self-critical and she starts the poem by blaming her own poor abilities.  However the quality of this poem clearly shows her skill as a poet.

Take for example this couplet:

I stretcht thy joints to make thee even feet,
Yet still thou run’st more hobbling than is meet.

The rhyme and meter hold up and even the metaphor is well done.  Even feet referring to the meter of the poem and is compared to walking.  You’ve likely read bad poetry that has a hobbling meter.  Its nicely done and not the work of a poor poet but is the work of a gifted poet.

Bradstreet even politely calls her book a bastard – look at the third to the last line,
If for thy father askt, say, thou hadst none;

By the end of the poem she does what all good mothers are suppose to do – she accepts the child, her book, as her own and blames its problems on herself.

I loved this poem from the first time I read it.  When I was studying for my BA in English I tried to duck work on poetry but when I had to write about a poem I always tried to use this one.  I know that I wrote at least two papers on it and recited it in at least four different classes (only one professor told me, Andrew don’t use that poem again).

I love this poem because it speaks to me and the way I often feel about my own writing.  Half the time I really dislike what I write.  There are times that somewhere between the wonderful vision in my mind and the harsh reality of the page the magic and power of my words gets lost.  Sometimes that story that sings in my soul, croaks sourly on my screen when my hands are finished typing.

That’s how it goes sometimes.  Still I struggle on and from time to time something magical hits this screen and even I marvel at my words.

Why did this come to mind today? Well, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this blog and the two books I am working on.  Each is in a different stage and a different state of dress.  My non-fiction book is outlined and waiting for the publisher to approve before I carry on writing.  My fiction book is a work of speculative fiction and I re-read my notes the other day.  I like my idea but two attempts I’ve made at outlining the story and getting the wonderful vision in my head down on paper have failed. There are two scenes that keep coming powerfully in my mind’s eye but they shift and blur and escape from my grasp before the vision can move through my fingers and on to the written page.

This poem came to my mind again today when I sat down to write this blog entry.  I had now clear idea what to write and my mind and soul are being pulled in a thousand different directions tonight.  Some of which I’ll write about later.

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Mostly Finished the Cross

I finally finished cutting the fretwork on the cross.  I just went back and re-read my last post on this project and wow was I wrong on the time it would take.  In the last month I’ve kept thinking that I am just eight hours away from finishing the cross.  Well, I was very wrong.  This thing turned out to be very time consuming but it is done.  My estimate is that I’ve got close to 50 hours of work into it so far.

This is the cross with all the interior fretwork cut

Now I can reveal my little secret about the cross – it’s not one but rather three.  I used a method called, ‘stack cutting’ to cut three identical crosses at the same time.  Glad I did – hate to do all that work for just one.  The wood is 1/4 inch thick oak plywood left over from a bookcase I built a couple of years ago.  That’s one of the cool things about scroll sawing, you can use up scraps from other projects and get some really nice looking pieces done.

This was a “stack cut” so with one cut I made three crosses.

Here is a picture of the scroll saw I used.  The little light is an LED with magnifier.  I wouldn’t have been able to see the lines to do the cutting without it.  The blade on the saw is very thin – about the thickness of five sheets of paper – and it doesn’t last long.  About halfway through the project I ordered a gross of blades (144) and I figure I’ve used about two dozen to do the project.  Some blades break while others just get dull.  The longest a blade has lasted is one that went for a whole hour before it stopped cutting.  Looking at it under the magnifier I could see where the teeth were just worn off.

Here is the saw I did the cutting on

So, what have I learned?

1.  Next time invest in good quality wood.  The project was a lot of work and while I like the way the cuts turned out, I am a little disappointed that I’ve got a plywood cross and not something out of a nice walnut or teak or something.  If you’re going to invest quality time then you should invest in quality materials.  Life lesson?
2.  I need dust collection on the scroll saw.  The cutting puts out this fine dust that gets everywhere including up my nose.  Plus the little bits that are cut out tend to drop on the floor and make a big mess.  A good vacuum system on the saw and an air cleaner in the shop would have made the job a little nicer.
3.  I suck at estimating the time it will take me to complete a project.
4.  I’ve learned things that I can never really explain.  They were valuable lessons but somethings I can only teach you by getting you to stand in front of a scroll saw for about 50 hours.  Here’s one – always cut into the corners first. How about this one – always turn on the back of the blade away from the sharp edge.  Great life lesson – get it?
5.  I am done with crosses for now and it’s time to get back to my serving trays.  Yup life moves on and you’ll know when you’re ready.  No one can give you the magic formula for that.

There is a little work left on the crosses – sanding and finishing.  Then the crosses are thin and I am concerned they’ll warp over time so I am thinking of building some kind of frame that will hold them flat and rigid.

So, will I ever make more crosses?  Possibly, but most likely not.  You see I am a pilgrim at heart and once I’ve been to a place I seldom return.  Maybe someday I’ll decide that the cross can teach me more and I’ll have to return, but today I’ve set my mind towards some birds that fly over the breaking waves.

How to capture that picture and make it come alive on a serving tray?

That’s where this pilgrim heads next.

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Mother’s Day – Memories of the Chevy

Last week I did my Mother’s Day post but today is the official day so I’ll offer one more story about my mother and traveling.  Mother had wanderlust in her.  She loved to travel.  Part of her traveling was to see and experience new places and people. She loved to meet people and loved see what was just “over the mountain.”

One of the first songs I recall her teaching me to sing in the car went something like this, “Oh the bear went over the mountain
The bear went over the mountain
To see what he could see.”

Mother was part mamma bear – God help anyone who came between her and her kids and she just couldn’t stand not knowing what was on the other side of the mountain.  Sadly the other reason she traveled was to escape, from life, from a difficult marriage – well she had problems that I won’t discuss here.

Every summer, just after school let out, mother would pack up her three sons into a beat-up 1961 white Chevy station wagon and we’d head off into the sunrise. Her habit was to leave about 4:00 am and drive to Los Banos where we ate breakfast at a little coffee shop before heading where ever she had in mind.  We camped so the station wagon was packed with camping gear – often with a wire roof rack covered in a WWI surplus tarp (I meant world war ONE – we had a lot of WWI surplus items, tent, tarps, canteens, etc that grandpa had given us.  The WWII surplus equipment mother had she call ‘the new stuff” including all the Army blankets).

We must have been quite a sight.  I suspect people often viewed us as that “poor woman with the three boys” and most likely thought we were a group of refugees or gypsies – likely checking to see if they still had their wallets after we passed. Certainly most wouldn’t have viewed it as I did – a big adventure to see the world.

A big part of the adventure was that old chevy.  You couldn’t tell from day to day whether it would make it or not.  The engine overheated regularly, burned oil – 1 quart for 2 tanks of gas – and the tires had just enough tread to be legal.  At every gas station stop my oldest brother Bill would give the car a good once over and the gas station attendants always gave a bit of a worried look as they pumped the gas, cleaned the windshield and checked the oil.  We kept a tool kit on the back seat and all of us boys knew how to change a tire.

I remember one trip in northern California when I was eight (‘68 if you must know).  We were traveling on a lonely back road somewhere off the map and far from the well traveled tourist areas.  I don’t exactly remember where but I think it was south of Mt. Lassen.  We had stopped for a picnic lunch at a National Forest campground next to a river.  I remember mother calling Bill over to look at the engine as it had started to overheat before we stopped.  Bill found a small leak in a radiator hose.

Let me tell you something about my brother Bill. He has cerebral palsy that affects his right side.  At the time, he could walk with a bit of a stagger over level ground but had little control of his right arm so mostly he did things with his left hand.  He is the eldest and at the time would have been 18 years old.  He was our mechanic and the only one in our little troop who knew anything about cars and how to fix them.  At home he was the neighborhood bicycle mechanic and nine year olds would flock over to our garage on a summer afternoon to get Bill to fix things.

My other bother, Rick was 16, physically fit, a member of the track team, smart, a natural observer of life and totally disinterested in the internal workings of a car.

Mother called us all together and gave one of her, “I don’t know what we’re going to do but we can’t wait here for help,” speeches.  This wasn’t the first time we’d had this kind of problem and we knew the drill – mother did the panicking and worrying and we boys figured a way to get help.

Bill studied the leaking radiator hose for a long time and then decided that he could do a patch that would be good enough to get us into the next town.  Rick looked at the river, grabbed all the canteens and water containers and went off to fill them up.  My job was to read the map and the AAA book and figure out where the next town big enough to have a gas station was.

Yup – at eight I was expected to be able to read a map.  Everyone in mother’s car read a map, mostly out of self defense.  Mother read the maps but normally turned left when we were suppose to go right.  U-turns were mother’s speciality…

We were in luck because I found a small town about 40 miles away that had a motel.  Where there are motels, there is gas or so my eight year old brain reasoned.  I was also hopeful that it also meant there’d be a store where I could quietly guilt my mother into buying me a large ice cream cone.

Bill got an old tee-shirt and a roll of black electrical tape and did his best to patch the leaking hose.  Rick filled the radiator and all the water containers he could find while I showed mother what I found on the map.  The good thing about our route was that it mostly followed the river so we’d have plenty of water to keep the engine cool.  Then we were off.
Mother drove slowly – keeping it under 25 miles per hour and kept a close eye on the temperature gauge.  When it started to climb, she’d find a wide spot in the shoulder to stop.  Then we boys would jump into action – Bill would check the patch, repairing as needed, while Rick and I scrambled down from the road to the river to fill the canteens.

Back at the car we’d wait till the engine was cool enough to add water, fill it up and off we’d go again.  I guess we stopped three or four times, each time we got better at the drill and mother just let us get about our jobs without much comment other than the occasional, “be careful boys.”  We were the only people on the road and never saw another car.

I remember it was late afternoon when we finally pulled into a gas station in a little town with the hose dramatically blowing out a burst of steam just as mother turned the engine off.  Our entrance attracted  the attention of the station owner and about half the population of the little town.  I can only speculate about what they were thinking of our little band.  Some where in northern California is a gas station owner with a story about this crazy woman and three boys in a broken down Chevy who drove into his station one day.

The mechanic opened the hood, saw Bill’s patch and said, “That patch isn’t going to hold any longer.  Who put that on for you.”

Bill tried to tell the mechanic but Bill had a speech impediment and when he got excited few outside the family understood what he was saying so I took over in my role as Bill’s interpreter and pointed to Bill and said, “He did.  He does all the work on the car. And Bill says that the engine needs two quarts of oil.  30 weight please,” then I add a request of my own, “You got a coke machine?”

The mechanic had a very surprised look and turned to mother when she asked, “Do you have the parts to fix it?”

“Yeah, I can fix it. It’ll take about an hour,” he then looked at me and said, “Coke machine’s in the back.  Help yourself.”

Mother took Rick and I to find the coke machine and she bought us all a root beer.  I could have held out for an ice cream but the day was hot, the root beer cold and mother had her change purse out – best not mess up a good deal. Then she went to the little store to buy ice and milk.  Bill stayed with the car and watched the man change the radiator hose.  Rick and I drank our root beers and then went to climb on some rocks behind the gas station.

We were back on the road by late afternoon and found a small camp ground with a working water faucet just as the light of day was starting to fade.  Rick and I quickly setup camp – getting the stove, ice chest and other cooking gear out first and then turning our attention to the tent.  Mother got the hint and took out two boxes of hamburger helper for our dinner.  Yes, Mother was a great cook – there wasn’t any kind of canned or boxed food she couldn’t open and heat up.  Yum.

As night settled around us Rick lit the campfire and Mother asked, “So what do you boys want to see tomorrow?”

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