Andrew's View of the Week

Friday Wisdom – Hospitals

Posted on 07/29/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

I’m not really here today as I had to drive to visit my brother in the hospital. Hopefully he’ll be going home soon. Until I get back here’s what I know about hospitals and doctors:

I have this great joke about amnesia, but I don’t remember it.

I’ve read that 8 out of 10 injections are in vein.

My brothers and I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital. Wasn’t that much fun, they kept finding us in the ICU.

I heard about a guy in medical school who made so many rash decisions that they made him a dermatologist.

My friend was going to the hospital today. He thinks he has, pneumonultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.

I went to the doctor once and said, “It hurts when I touch my face, my neck, my chest, my leg, …” The doctor replied, “Yes, you have a broken finger.”

I asked the doctor if he could give me something for my liver. He gave me half a pound of onions.

The radiologist was laughing at the X-ray of my arm. She found it humerus.

A mother took her young son to the the hospital after he swallowed some coins. They took him to get an X-ray and when he got back the mother asked he was doing. The nurse said, “No change yet.”

I was walking into the hospital and saw a sign saying, “Emergency Generator.” You’d think they’d have enough emergencies to start with.

A builder I know got a contract to renovate a hospital. He said he took the job because he thought it would be re-ward-ing …

Words you don’t want to hear a surgeon say, “Anyone seen my watch?”

In my therapy session I learned that I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

The doctor told us not to be concerned about the bird flu anymore as it is now tweetable.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged hospital jokes, humor, wisdom | 17 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Flying

Posted on 07/22/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

This week we’ve had a friend visiting and today we’ll be taking her to the airport so here’s everything I told her about flying:

A good landing is one you can walk away from. An excellent land is one where you can use the airplane again.

Be careful of clouds withs silver linings – it just might be another airplane flying right at you.

The propeller on an airplane is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. When it stops you can actually see the pilot starting to sweat.

The trouble with airplane jokes is that some are so bad that they don’t land.

It takes a long time to design an airplane – well, no one really wants a ground breaking design.

I came up with a great idea for a new kind of airplane, but I’m not sure it will fly.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights did make an airplane …

Like a new shirt, when you buy an airplane, you can’t keep the hanger.

The seats on most airplanes are so close together that I often get jet leg.

I was seating next to a crying baby and asked for a different seat to get away from it. Turns out you can’t do that if the baby is yours.

I threw my cell phone off the roof, but it landed on the driveway and broke into a million pieces. I don’t understand – I had airplane mode on …

Do you know the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist designed an airplane. The pessimist invented seat belts.

My friend said she was sick of going to the airport. It might be Terminal Illness.

I was scheduled to do a standup comedy show about airline flights, but it got canceled.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged airplane jokes, humor, wisdom | 23 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Swimming

Posted on 07/15/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Yesterday we went to Lake Tahoe for a picnic, little kayaking and swimming so here we go:

I was asked for a donation to help build a community swimming pool. I gave them a gallon of water.

I took a book to read on the beach titled, “The Swimming Pool.” It started out shallow but was very deep by the end.

I was thinking about this – if I was on a desert island the one record I’d like to have is in long distance swimming.

Think about this: Hippos can run and swim faster than humans. That means cycling is your only chance to beat a hippo in a triathlon.

At the beach I saw a teacher jumping in the water – she said she was testing it.

I was watching this guy swim and he was so slow that all he could do was a crawl.

Dentists and swimming coaches have a lot in common. To start with they both use drills …

Name a race that is never run … yup a swimming race.

Elephants love to swim so they also have their trunks with them.

Ghosts like to swim. Their favorite spot is Lake Eerie.

and where to zombies go swimming? Yup, the Dead Sea.

What did the lifeguard say to the impatient swimmer? “Just wade a minute.”

When we left the lake it didn’t say goodbye – it just waved.

I wanted to use the ATM so I could buy ice cream at the snack shack. They told me the closest one was at the river bank.

So far the summer is going swimmingly.

A Few Good Quotes:

I sink, therefore I swam. Anonymous

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. Demetri Martin – comedian

There is water in every lane, so it is OK. Ian Thorpe – Australian swimmer

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years. Alfie Moore – writer, comedian

Swimming isn’t a sport; it’s just a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin – comedian

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, swimming jokes, wisdom | 22 Comments

Wednesday Working – Insulation Done

Posted on 07/13/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Reno has finally hit it’s summer heat with afternoons near 100. This means I can only work in the shed durning the cool of the morning for about three hours. I have managed to get the insulation fully done: