Andrew's View of the Week

Friday Wisdom – Lawyers

Posted on 01/14/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

Normally I don’t tell lawyer jokes or even think about lawyers much, but this week was review everything in my life week and I had a phone call with my estate planning attorney to go over changes now that I’m fully retired. She confirmed that it would be best to spend all my money before I die so there is no estate to burden my children with by having to manage it. Well, here are some other thoughts:

The difference between a heard of cattle and a lawyer is that a lawyer charges more.

A bad lawyer can drag a case out for years. A good lawyer can drag a case out for decades.

The difference between an accountant and a lawyer is that an accountant knows he’s boring.

Wire was invented by two lawyers fighting over a penny.

A 32 year old lawyer dies suddenly and is standing at the pearly gates (strange, but true) and says to St. Peter, “But I’m only 32 why am I here?” “Humm, let me check,” Says St. Peter. “Ah here it is, based on the number of hours you’ve billed since becoming a lawyer we thought you were 102.”

The difference between a boxing referee and a lawyer is that the referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

I did some research and found that there are only three lawyer jokes. Everything else were true stories …

You can divide lawyers into two groups: Those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Where there’s a will … I want to be in it.

A public defender goes to see a client in jail:

“Since this is your first time robbing a butcher shop we can prove you’re not so smart and a bit desperate, I think I can get you a plea deal for light sentence plus time in rehab,” Said the defender.

“Wait, what do you mean not smart!?” Replied the robber.

“Well, you took the cash …”

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, lawyer jokes, wisdom | 27 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Tea

Posted on 01/07/2022 by Andrew Reynolds

I drink tea. I prefer it over coffee. I blame the church for my choice. When I was old enough to approach the coffee pot at church without being shooed away, I poured myself a cup of coffee and instantly hated it. Then I went to the tea pot, poured myself a cup and liked it. Years later I learned that the church just made bad coffee, but my tastes were set to tea by then. Later in life I married an English lady and we have more boxes of tea than bags of coffee in our house. So, while I sip my tea here is a bit of tea wisdom:

I once had a job in a tea shop, but I quit when I thought something was brewing.

There’s a trendy new tea shop in town. I don’t know – it fills me with uncertain tea.

I drink tea everyday to achieve inner tranquili-tea.

Tea fixes everything.

Did you hear that the hipster burned his mouth drinking tea? yup, he drank it before it was cool.

We have a special tea here in the desert for windy days. We call it dust-tea.

Okay, these jokes aren’t my best quali-tea.

When making your morning tea did you ever get that sense of deja brew?

Just went to the cafe and found out that the price of tea is steep.

I would walk a chamomile for a cup of tea.

Moses drinks tea – Hebrews it.

The most difficult tea to drink is reality.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, tea jokes, wisdom | 24 Comments

Friday Wisdom – New Year

Posted on 12/31/2021 by Andrew Reynolds

Well, it’s New Year’s eve so …

May all your troubles last as long as your resolutions.

Still waiting for my wife to tell me what my New Year’s resolutions are.

I’ve resolved to read more, so I turned on subtitles on the TV.

Why do birds fly south on New Year’s day? because it’s to far to walk …

I was going to stop all my bad habits, but then nobody likes a quitter.

I went to the jeweler on December 31 – to ring in the New Year.

I resolve to procrastinate more. I’m starting tomorrow.

Last year I resolved to lose 15 pounds. I only have 25 more to go.

I’m staying up till midnight this year. Not to see 2022 in, but to make sure 2021 leaves …

If you were born in September, you basically know what your parents did on New Year’s Eve.

Alcohol can preserve many things on New Year’s Eve. Dignity is not on the list.

I’m going to open a business called, “Resolutions.” During January it will be filled with exercise equipment. The rest of the year it will be a donut shop.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, New year's jokes, wisdom | 31 Comments

Snow and Lego

Posted on 12/29/2021 by Andrew Reynolds

Well, it’s been weird. It started snowing last week and so far the greater Lake Tahoe area has seen the largest snowfall in 51 years. Interstate 80 was closed for 5 (five), yes FIVE, days. Never in my life have I seen that. It opened last night and is now about to close because all the tourists decided to drive up in what might the worst driving conditions possible and are crashing everywhere threatening to block the freeway again.

For those who don’t know, here in Reno I-80 is our major artery for everything from food to gas to cat food. When I-80 closes we don’t get stuff. Most of our food and gas comes from California to the west, but luckily for us a lot of stuff comes from the east, routed through places like Salt Lake City. Yesterday Heather and I decided to venture out to the grocery store for the first time in a week hoping we could get some bananas, fresh veggies and some eggs.

Yup, the stores are all out of that stuff. The good new was that there still was a health supply of frozen pizza, boxes of popcorn and bottles of distilled water. Oh, and cat food. We got cat food.

My message to all who want to travel here right now: Don’t. But if you ignore that, bring your own popcorn, we’re out.

Yesterday I did have to shovel the driveway in order to get the car out. That was fun. Here’s what it looked like when I was done:

I only shoveled enough to get one car out.

The Christmas decorations now have added snow:

Soon I’ll have real snowmen to put lights on.

I wouldn’t have minded shoveling the driveway if we’d managed to at least get eggs, but it now seems like a hollow, eggless, effort to have cleared all that snow.

To pass the time we did build a few Lego things to go around the Christmas Tree and sorted out our Lego bins. Last time we let the grandkids use OUR (not their) Lego they managed to get red bricks in with the gray, door parts in the wheel boxes and people parts just about everywhere. They’re now banded from using our Lego until they learn to sort properly.

Here’s what’s under the tree: