Friday Wisdom – Writing

Last week I posted about how to write post apocalyptic stories. This week I also wrote a poem and started writing an article for the American Marquetry Society so here’s some writing wisdom:

A writer who doesn’t follow rules for sentence structure is known as a rebel without a claus.

Why hasn’t the escaped felon been able to complete his book? Well, he could never finish a sentence.

English is a difficult language – there’s no ham in hamburger, there’s no egg in eggplant and why are boxing rings square?

Fiction writing can be learned by reading political promises.

Some of the best fiction writers graduated from the school of journalism.

A friend of mine is trying to decide whether to be a barber or a writer. I suggested flipping a coin: Heads or Tales.

Did you hear about the writer who went on trial for writing a story? He got a long sentence.

I’ve always thought that gardeners could write great stories – they really know how to work a plot.

I meat a writer who became a baker – she makes the best synonym rolls.

There’s a new type of apartments for writers, they call it the, “Writer’s Block.”

A writer I know was taken the emergency room – he had a serious allegory attack.

I like being a writer, but being an editor is more rewording.

I finally figure out why it’s so cold at my writing desk – I’m surrounded by drafts …

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How to Write Post Apocalyptic Stories

I’ve long been a reader of post apocalyptic speculative fiction and have for a decade or so been working on a post apocalyptic novel.  I really like my story, have an outline, a first and last chapter, extensive notes …

But actually finishing it seems anticlimactic.  I mean, let’s be really depressing here, no one’s going to read it except me and a copy editor.  Maybe, if I pay them to read it.  Okay, okay, I do have a couple of friends who might read it and possible even a blog follower or two that might.  Heather might read it if I begged enough … 

Still, having studied the genre my whole life, I feel qualified to give you a detailed outline of how to write a post apocalyptic novel.

Well, I really picked this as a blog subject because I just like using the words “post apocalyptic.”  My only wish is that it was easier to spell.  So let’s just get to it:

How to write a post apocalyptic novel:

  1. Read the news of the day.
  2. Pick a current fear.
  3. Exaggerate.
  4. Extrapolate.
  5. Speculate.
  6. Make a social, political or interpersonal statement.  Heck, make three or four.
  7. Write it all down.
  8. Done, send it to 200 literary agents for rejection.

That’s about it.  Thank you for reading.

What? Yeah, I know it sounds like I don’t like post apocalyptic stories, but it’s more complicated than that.  The first “grownup” book I bought for myself and read was George R. Stewart’s classic book, Earth Abides.  I was 14 and just decided one day that I wanted to read a science fiction book so I went to the local drug store, browsed the SciFi section and found Stewart’s novel.  I’d seen plenty of post apocalyptic movies, but something in me wanted more than the big screen showed.

Earth Abides and the story of Isherwood Williams and his life after a plague kills most humans on the planet.  Written in 1949, it is an archetype of the genre and considered a classic story along with others like, On the Beach or Alas Babylon.  Like many stories that followed, this book asks the question, “What would life be like if our civilization was suddenly stripped away?”

It’s that question that I’ve always found interesting, not necessarily the many stories written on the subject.

When I was younger, say teens, 20s to my 30s, I loved watching and reading Science Fiction.  I had even tried writing a few stories and longed to be able to actually write it.  I did attend a few SciFi conventions and writing conferences.  Then in my mid 30s I got the idea that if I had a degree in English, I could write better.

It took ten years, but I got that BA and yes, I think I am a better writer for it.  However, I remember a warning I received before my studies that a degree in English would ruin my love of science fiction.  Now I won’t say literary studies ruin my tastes in science fiction, but it did broaden my view of the written word and gave me a larger list of things I like to read.

It also taught me what I had suspected for a long time: Most science fiction isn’t well written.  The stories tend to focus on one twist, the characters are often only two dimensional and only exist to explain the author’s speculation.  There are space ships, wizards, and elves, but with rare exception I find most science fiction to be predicable story telling.

But it is the underlying ideas and speculation that I find fascinating.  In the past I would have not referred to it as science fiction but rather speculative fiction.  It isn’t always about science, but rather about the question, “what if?”

What if elves were real?

What if we could travel faster than light?
What if time travel were possible?

Great literature surprises me with both the depth and reach of the story.  It doesn’t just tell me about a person, but it makes me understand that person, event or place.  It transforms me.

But then, I am person of ideas.  I find the speculation, the “what ifs” interesting and worth the time to explore.  Sometimes it transforms me, but it also entertains me.

So why do I continue to occasionally pick up post apocalyptic novels?

I still recall the impact Earth Abides had on me as a teen and sometimes hope the next book I read might have a similar effect.  I still like to ask the question, “What if” and want to read other writer’s answer to that question.  I still live in hope that there is another Tolken out there.

Will I ever finish my book?  Will I ever offer my answer to the question “What if”?

Who knows, but I do know that it’s time for tea and to consider what pizza I’ll be making for dinner.

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Friday Wisdom – Birthdays

Well it’s birthday month in our house so here we go:

To avoid getting heartburn when eating birthday cake, remove the candles before eating.

People who have the most birthdays live the longest.

I once went to Moby Dick’s birthday – it was a whale of a party.

A true friend is one who remembers you birthday, but not your age.

You should put candles on the top of a birthday cake – it’s really difficult to put them on the bottom.

Birthdays are great, but too many can be fatal.

You know you’re getting older when you start sentences with, “Back in my day …”

You know you’re getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.

How old were you when they started bringing out a fire extinguisher with the cake?

One more birthday, one year closer to monthly social security checks.

This week I turned 29, again.

So when does this, “Old enough to know better” kicks in?

My birthday cake was hard as a rock. Well, it was a marble cake.

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Thursday Update – Wow is it Almost February?

Looks like I haven’t been posting much lately and I know I’ve not been doing my regular Sunday posts for a long time. I never really know what I’m going to do on this blog and never make promises or predictions of what I might do, but likely I’ll be changing things up a bit in the next few weeks. This will be the tenth year I’ve been doing this blog and a lot has changed since I started. I’m might change to a new WordPress theme as the one I’m using is no long supported, I might start posting different content – heck I might even put a new picture of me on the front page.

You never know. Retired life is busy but relaxed. This month has been party month. Both Heather and I have birthdays this month – a week a part so we often just have a long celebration week. Last Sunday was the big party:

I made the sign by printing out Scrabble letter titles from a website our son found and he ran streamers everywhere.

It’s been cold here so not much happening in the yard, but I’m still doing some scroll saw work. Current projects almost completed:

Just one more bird to cut out and then I’m done with that. The other things are just Christmas ornaments.

I do have a couple of projects left before I start moving on to shop and yard projects as the weather warms up:

The drawing is a thing Heather wants me to build. More on that as I get to work on that.

The other big projects here have been more in the legal and financial area. It’s that time to update our estate planning and I’m doing some major reshuffling of our retirement funds. That and tax time is just about here. I wouldn’t have thought retirement taxes would be this weird, but the government never wants to loosen its grip on your wallet. Sorry but no pictures on any of that – somethings you just don’t want photos of.

Well, time to take the party decorations down while I’m waiting for the account, lawyer and broker to call me back. If you need me – I’ll be on the ladder removing tape and streamers.

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