Friday Wisdom – Retirement

Posted on 03/22/2024 by Andrew Reynolds

I’m coming up on being retired for four years. I’ve been loving it and here’s everything I know about retirement:

How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes all day.

To be old and wise you first must have been young and stupid.

Life is short — smile while you still have teeth.

Retirement: The pay is low, but the hours are great!

and don’t mess with retired people. Life imprisonment isn’t that much of a deterrent to them.

We all strive to retire, but then what?

Just saw the news, another “World’s Oldest” man just died. This is looking suspicious.

Money isn’t everything, but it keeps the kids in touch.

Grandchildren and grandparents get along very well because they have a common enemy.

Retirement: That time when time is no longer money.

and here’s what happens when these professionals retire:

  • Accountants lose their balance
  • Bank managers lose interest
  • Musicians decompose
  • Academics lose their faculities
  • Tree surgeons branch out
Posted in wisdom | Tagged , , | 16 Comments

A Poem – Orange Blossom Time

Posted on 03/17/2024 by Andrew Reynolds

I’m working on a poetry collection based on the gospel of Matthew. There are 42 planned poems and today I’ve finally written poem 18. I started this project about seven years ago and had hoped to have it done by now, but over time I find the poems harder to write as my knowledge and experience with the gospel changes my thinking and theology. This is due to many factors including study, meditation, prayer and discussion with others. Normally I share the poems in my collection with trusted close friends. Today it just seems right to share one of these here. The context for the poem is Matthew 9:35-10:8 although I hope that you can get something out of the poem even if you haven’t read the passage.

Orange Blossom Time

Frail white bud appearing among green stem.
Air filled with thriving fertility.
Sound of growing fruit drifting on an easterly breeze.
Promise starts to bend branches.

Bees seek nectar.
Mute song birds look towards a lush sky.
A cat rests in the shade of a leaf converting sun to maternal perfume.
Two old hands sit in the sun waiting for harvest time.

Green brightens to orange.
Life ladened among too few hands.
A call for help, a box, a bag …
Little is taken as few hands answer
Posted in Poems | Tagged , , | 23 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Accountants

Posted on 03/15/2024 by Andrew Reynolds

Well, it tax time here and I’m about to have that yearly conversation with my accountant so here’s everything I know about them:

A fine is a tax for doing wrong while a tax is a fine for doing well.

What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.

For every tax problem there is a solution that’s straightforward, simple and wrong.

The two unavoidable events in life: death and taxes. Well at least death only happens once.

The difference between lawyers and accountants is that accountants know they are boring.

How do you know if you have an outstanding tax accountant? They have a loophole named after them.

There are three kinds of accountants: those who can count and those who can’t.

Remember that a fool and his money are soon audited.

America is the land of opportunity – everyone can become a taxpayer!

Where there’s a will, there’s a tax shelter.

While children are tax deductible, they are still taxing.

My accountant Excel at spreadsheets.

Basic Laws of accounting: 1. Trial balances don’t. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Dentists

Posted on 03/08/2024 by Andrew Reynolds

I drove Heather to the dentist today and my cleaning appointment is in a week so dentists are on my mind this week. Here’s everything I know about them:

My dentist says he has patients who brush their teeth religiously: every Christmas and Easter.

My dentist asked me to open up, but I told her, I didn’t know her that well.

I’ve always been told to put my money where my mouth is, so I got dental implants.

If you give a child 25 candy bars and they eat 22 of them what will they get? Cavities.

My dentist won the dentist of the year award. They gave him a little plaque.

What do you call a tooth who went to Oxford University? A wisdom tooth.

What do they call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Did you know the sell teeth for a dollar? Yes, buck teeth.

I heard about a dentist who planted a garden. Six weeks later he was picking his teeth.

What’s another name for a dentist’s office? A filling station.

I took my cellphone to the dentist — it has bluetooth.

Remember, you don’t have to brush all your teeth. Just the ones you want to keep.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged , , | 20 Comments