Andrew's View of the Week

Friday Wisdom – Cell Phone

Posted on 03/03/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

My cell phone rang yesterday (doctor’s office confirming an appointment – so exciting), so here’s everything I know about cell phones:

What should you do if you see an onion ring? Answer it.

I left my phone under a pillow last night and this morning it was gone, but there was a dollar in it’s place. I think it was the bluetooth fairy.

The skeleton doesn’t have a cell phone. Well, he has no body to talk to.

I fell asleep on my cell phone yesterday. I downloaded a nap.

What kind of phone does Luke Skywalker have? A Yodafone.

Mr. Potato Head just bought a cell phone just incase Ms. Onion rings.

These days I just can’t picture myself without a cell phone.

I had to get my phone glasses. Well, it had lost its contacts …

What brand of cell phone does Sauron prefer? Mordorola

Just read that Apple is creating a cell phone just for children – iKid you not.

What kind of phones do pirates use? an aye phone.

What do you get when you cross a cell phone and an iron? A smooth signal.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged cell phone jokes, humor, wisdom | 22 Comments

Wednesday Working – Table Runner and Coasters

Posted on 03/01/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

The snow has forced me indoors for creative work. I’ve done some writing, quilting and a little marquetry. I’d like to be doing more wood working, but with the extreme cold we’ve been having it’s hard to get the shops warm with the electric space heaters I have. My shed shop takes about two hours to get warm enough to work, but the bigger problem is glue. Most of my work requires gluing things together and the glues I use have to be 55F degrees or more to dry properly, that would be a lot of electricity to keep the shop spaces over that temp and it’s just not worth the money. I do bring some of the smaller projects into the house to dry, but it limits what I can do. So I’ve been doing more writing and quilting. Here is where I am with the table runner:

I’ve made the edge banding. Next step is to sew these on and then the top is done. I’m hoping to get to putting the back on and quilting in the next week or two.

I have been working on a small marquetry project and have made four coasters:

This is a set of four with each 3 x 3 inches. These still need sanding an a final varnish. The pattern is the bento box pattern I used for this quilt last year:

This is part of a plan I have to link my quilting to my marquetry. The idea is that for every quilt I do, I’ll do a marquetry companion piece using the same pattern. I’ve also considered doing some kind of writing for each set – a story or poem. The general concept is to approach the same pattern, design from three different artistic interpretations. I’m hoping this creates an interesting artistic something. We’ll see if it works.

I have submitted a few of my poems to different publications, but so far it’s still 100% rejections. I’ll be sending another round of poems out next week. Maybe this time I’ll get something. If you have any recommendations on places to submit poems, let me know (I normally use submittable to find places to submit).

That’s it for this week – if you need me, I’m out shoveling snow before the next storm.

Posted in Marquetry, quilting | Tagged coasters, Marquetry, quilting, table runner | 28 Comments

Friday Wisdom – In the Wood Shop

Posted on 02/24/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I checked and I started this Friday Wisdom stuff in 2016 and this will be my 327th post. I was going to make a list of all the subjects I’ve used, but at 326 that all of a sudden sounded like work. Instead, I was thinking about my woodworking so here’s what I know about that:

Did you hear that the Hulk decided to open a woodworking business? It’s named, “Bruce’s Banisters.”

How do you become a good woodworker, just work at it whittle by whittle.

I asked a lumberjack how much wood he’s chopped and he said, “Not sure, let me check the logs.”

My mother’s sister is a woodworker. She’s a carpenter aunt.

If you don’t think money grows on trees, you haven’t bought lumber recently …

Be careful, home repair can lead to addiction, because you’re always look for your next fix.

I’m working on an “under construction” joke, but it’s not done yet.

It’s never a mistake, just an artistic interpertation.

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Every woodworker really needs a wood stove.

Measure twice, cut once, fill, sand, fill, …

Measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with an axe.

Did you hear about the blind woodworker who picked up his hammer and saw?

Posted in woodworking | Tagged humor, wisdom, wood shop jokes | 17 Comments

Wednesday Writing

Posted on 02/22/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

It’s time for the monthly church writing group and our prompt is: Write a Letter. It could be a letter to a grandchild, your past self, your future self, a child, or something like that. I have to say I struggled with this one, but last night it started to snow, again. I am so done with snow so I wrote at letter to the snow:

February 21, 2023

Dear Snow,

We’ve had our good times haven’t we? I remember first meeting you when I as just a boy scout and my whole troop came up one December to see you and play at your house. We built a fort out of you and then made a huge snow man. I still laugh thinking about Jimmy and Dave jumping in a large snow bank only to discover it was the scout master’s car covered in snow.

Remember the snow ball fight? I won because you showed me how to make snow balls faster than any of the other boys. It was wonderful, the grey skies, gently falling white flakes, and the whole world covered in a giant wooly white blanket. It was a magical world and I was so glad to meet you, even though I never understood why you wouldn’t come inside and sit next to the fire with us. You just cried when I asked. Still, I just loved you.

We had some good times. That skiing weekend. That was when I learned about all the different sides of you, times when you’re soft and powdery, and when you’re solid and unmoving. I don’t remember what I said that turned you into ice. I told you I’d return, but you said you couldn’t wait and cried like a river. My heart ached because I loved you so much.

I told you that my job took me to warm places and that I’d come and visit when I could. You could never compromise on that. I bought that large walk-in freezer so we could be together always, but you just said no. I would have bought the emergency generator so the freezer would always be cold, but you just wouldn’t take the risk. I don’t think I was asking too much – it would have only been for a few months of the year.

After that you just became vengeful. I tried driving to your mountain home, but you just blocked the road and made it impossible. I didn’t want to use the snow plow, but what choice did you leave me? I was afraid you’d lose control and really physically hurt me.

But this is just the last straw. I moved here to your mountains and can see your beauty covering the landscape with that gentle white blanket of yours. You have come to my house, covered my yard with your silence and turned the trees into a winter wonderland.

But no matter how often I ask, you just won’t stop blocking the driveway and roads. I’ve had to shovel you out of the way so I could just get my mail. You’ve even held my trash can shut so tightly I couldn’t throw out the garbage. It feels like you’re trying to suffocate me, to keep me from seeing my friends or just even going to get food. I know you’ve never really understood the need I have for food, but you’ve never even really tried to understand me, have you? You just want me to become just like you, but I can’t. I can’t go that far.

I really thought we could find a way, but I just can’t change that much and I know it’s wrong to try and change you.

So I’m afraid that I have to tell you, we’re done. We can’t be together any more.

It’s me, not you, I just can’t.

With all my regret,

Andrew