Andrew's View of the Week

Friday Wisdom – Lunch

Posted on 02/17/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

I’ve been doing these Friday Wisdom things for a few years now and after all that time the most difficult thing is to come up with a topic each week. While it seems like I have a endless number of funnies, I am starting to realize that I’m repeating myself more often. Also, “Friday Wisdom” is starting to become the only post I do in a week. I’m thinking of making some changes in how I blog. If you have any suggestions for me, let me know in the comments. After 12 years of blogging, it feels like time to do some changing. Today I am going out to lunch so here’s everything I know about lunch:

When you come to a fork in the road. Just stop and have lunch.

I invited a snowman to lunch. We had ice burg-ers.

I read that smoking will kill, that bacon will kill you, but smoking bacon will cure it …

I entered what I ate for lunch into my fitness app – it dialed 911 on me.

I just burned 2,000 calories. Never take a nap while you brownies in the oven.

A preacher was being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods. The preacher started to pray saying, “God, turn this bear into a Christian.” Instantly the bear fell on its knee, put its paws together and said, “Dear God, for the food I’m about to eat …”

I wanted to surprise my wife by cooking lunch for her, but the smoke alarm ruined the surprise.

I went to the store and asked for a large fish. The man at the counter said, “Sure, won’t be long.” I said, “well it had better be wide.”

I’ll tell you what’s hard to beat: Hard boiled eggs.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I’m only here because of autocorrect.”

My banker always eats lunch by himself. Well, he is a loaner …

Did you know that ducks eat lunch? Usually just soup and quackers.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged humor, lunch jokes, wisdom | 23 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Dentist

Posted on 02/10/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

The big event this week was taking Heather in for a little dental surgery. She’s getting an implant and this was the first visit in that process. I have two dental implants and just love them. I didn’t love the process you have to go through to get one, but once it’s done they’re great. That means that this week I tell you want I know about dentists.

What the best time to call a dentist’s office to schedule an appointment? Tooth hurty.

I know a dentist who doesn’t like tea so we call him Denis.

I just read that they announced the dentist of the year. They get a little plaque.

My dentist told me that before he was a dentist he was in the army. He was a drill sergeant.

What do you call a dental x-ray? A tooth pic.

Did you know that there was a dinosaur dentist? It’s called a Flossiraptor

Did you know that deer need braces? They have buck teeth.

I asked my dentist which teeth I should brush. She said, “Just the ones you want to keep.”

I found out that there is a bear with no teeth, it’s called a gummy bear.

What do you give a bear with a tooth ache? Anything it wants …

They said to put my money where my mouth is, so I got gold fillings.

I read about a snowman who went to see a dentist. He had a frostbite.

Did you read that the king went to a dentist? He needed a new crown.

Why did the cellphone go see a dentist? It had bluetooth.

How does a dentist fix a broken tooth? She uses tooth paste.

Posted in wisdom | Tagged dentist jokes, humor, wisdom | 22 Comments

As the Pizza Cooks – Episode 9

Posted on 02/05/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

The important stuff: Sunset 5:24, Sunrise 7:02. Pizza: spinach with pepperoni and olives.

This morning I was cooking breakfast and was thinking about a meme I saw on Facebook a while ago, “Admit it, everyone has a favorite burner on the stove, but no one talks about it.” It’s true – I always scramble eggs on the lefthand burner and cook bacon on the right. Yes, I can cook two things at once with minimal burning. I generally wait until the bacon is done before doing the toast – I have my limits.

That’s not what I wanted to write about today. Honestly, I forgot what I was going to write about. I’ve been asked to preach a sermon at our church during lent and I’ve been working on that all afternoon. Yesterday I had a really good ATPC episode outlined in my brain, but right now, poof – can’t remember any of it. All I can really remember right now is stuff I’m putting in my message. I’m disappointed as I recall there were a couple of good jokes in there for today’s post.

I think it was about cooking or going to the grocery store. I will admit that I go to the grocery store more often than I cook. Generally Heather and I go together to the store. She makes a list and I check off the items as she puts them in the cart. I’m also taller than her so it’s my job to reach the things on the top shelf and I lift the heavy things, which is the main reason she wants me to go with her. After 21 years of marriage, I’ve learned to not say, “That’s not on the list,” as she puts things in the cart. I’ve also learned that I can sneak a bag of cookies in and she won’t notice until we get home.

Not that I do that – every week. Sometimes I put in a bag of snack almonds or pop corn without announcing it. Risky, I know …

Speaking of pizza, tonight in the second night in a row that we’re having pizza. Last night we went out to pizza with Heather’s portrait group. They have a show at the local museum and yesterday was the open house. Heather and I spent most of the afternoon there. Heather helped with snacks, and answered questions about her art. I was there to carry things in from the car, eat the snacks and be available to be introduced as Heather’s husband. Afterwards we got rewarded with pizza for dinner and an enjoyable time socializing with the members of the portrait society. As we left the restaurant Heather was a little concerned that having pizza on a Saturday meant we couldn’t have it on Sunday, but after a short conversation we both agreed that you can’t have too much pizza so pizza was still on for tonight too.

That’s about it for this week. Sorry I can’t remember what I was going to write about. I promise that next week I’ll be finished with my other writing and will devote all my attention to episode 9.

and here are the four portraits Heather has in the show:

Posted in As The Pizza Cooks | Tagged As The Pizza Cooks, cooking, going to the grocery store, pizza | 34 Comments

Friday Wisdom – Doctors

Posted on 02/03/2023 by Andrew Reynolds

One of the less enjoyable things of getting older is the number of medical visits you have to make. In the last ten days I’ve been to three visits to the medical center and get to go back again in a couple of more. It’s not a major issue, but it has to be done. While the wheels of the medical system turn, here’s what I know about doctors:

They told me this great joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

Did you know that 9 out of 10 injections are in vein?

Sign at the drug rehab clinic: “Keep off the Grass”

An apple a day can only keep the doctor away if you have good aim.

I was walking past the pharmacy in the hospital and there was this big sign, “Quiet” in front. They don’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

I said, “Doctor I think I need glasses.” A woman replied, “Yes, you really do! This is a hardware store.”

They had to take a little boy to the hospital last night after he swallowed a coin. I ask his parents how he was doing. They said, “No change yet.”

The radiologist was laughing at my x-ray. She said it was humerus.

I went to the doctor’s office and told them I was having memory problems. They made me pay in advance.

A man went to the ER and said, “I’ve swallowed a spoon!” The nurse told him to sit down and don’t stir.

Known fact: The worst time to have a heart attack is while playing charades.

They wheeled him into the operating room, and he had a change of heart.