We went to see a jazz concert last night so a few jazzy funnies popped into my head:
How do you get a jazz musician off your porch? Pay for the pizza.
The difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist is that the rock guitarist plays 3 cords for 1,000 people while the jazz guitarist plays 1,000 cords for 3 people.
The difference between a jazz musician and a large pizza is that the pizza can feed a family of four.
How did the jazz singer end up with 1 million dollars? She inherited 2 million dollars.
My doctor says jazz is in my blood – she said I have a deep vein trombonses.
A lawyer wanted to join a jazz band, but they said he didn’t have any soul.
Smooth jazz puts me to sleep … must be the mellow tonin’.
Farmers are now playing smooth jazz for their corn — it’s easy on the ears.
Jazz is the most common music to get couples “in the mood” because it’s so saxxy.
A bus full of jazz players broke down on the freeway. Police are reporting a massive jam.
My parents didn’t let me listen to classical or jazz when I was a kid. They said it had too much sax and violins …
It’s been hot out here – really hot in the 100s, so our gardening is done at 6:00 am until the air temp is 80 or until my water bottle runs out of ice water.
Some days I drink iced tea instead, but that would be a different post …
We’ve been in our home for a year now and are working on fixing things up the way we like them. There’s been a lot of work on irrigation systems and getting raised beds built and filled with dirt. In the last two days I’ve moved about 8 wheelbarrows full of dirt. Didn’t take any pictures of me doing that. Trust me, hot sweaty me isn’t a picture you want to see.
There are a lot more projects under way but here are three we’ve completed. It should be noted that Heather is the head gardener and anything that looks good is likely her work. If it looks heavy to lift or a big hole was dug, that is likely my work. I’m also reasonably skilled at making tea – both hot and iced.
Strawberries:
The new strawberry patch. Found these grow things/pots/planters/thingy at the garden center. Most this was Heather’s project. I did offer encouragement and did a tiny bit of lifting. Yes, the top one still needs plants.
There was a large strawberry patch out in front when we moved it and Heather’s been dividing those and planting them around the garden. The planter things above were Heather’s find at a local nursery.
There is an arbor on the back patio and we thought a wisteria growing over that would look nice.
A new wisteria to grow over an arbor. I dug the hole, Heather did the planting. It took a long time to dig the hole. I asked if explosives were allowed around here – turns out you need permits, licenses, safety equipment, so I just used a pry bar, a shovel and a lot of swearing.
Okay, it might be a couple of seasons before it grows enough to provide shade.
Lastly, we’ve been wanting a water feature and we bought some half wine barrels. I went online and found a small fountain pump and presto a simple water feature. Likely we’ll do something bigger when we find just the right thing.
Our new water feature with floating plants. There’s a local business that will deliver half wine barrels to your house for $35 each. I mean real wine barrels – this one still smelled of a nice merlot and was purple inside.
That’s it for this week. If we haven’t completely melted by then, more pictures next week.
If you need me, I’ll be out in the garden, digging a hole.
Home
Where you find your rest, your family, and your true heart.
Where your story started.
Saturday morning, rising sun washing the yellow walls in
golden light of childhood.
Cereal, toast, and juice.
Cartoons, PJs, and bare feet
bursting into memories
of careless joys of lawns, bikes, and trees.
Leaving started adventures.
Signed contracts, moving trucks
and buckets of paint.
Excitement and troubles.
tears and crying, “I want to go home.”
Driving that old mountain road
windows down,
air smelling like home.
Hotel room becomes home for a night.
Sight of a lonely oak tree on a grassy hill, says, “welcome back.”
Home on my bookshelf, Toni Morrison, Marilynne Robinson, Tolkien’s Frodo,
and Le Guin
reminding me that we’re Always Coming Home.
Standing at the grave side, looking to the east hills
sun setting behind me,
telling my brother,
“mother has gone home.”
Cat: A small furry animal that’s always on the wrong side of a door.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
There’s only one thing smarter than a talking cat – a spelling bee.
Two of my cats got into a fight, but it’s okay, they hissed and made up.
My cat wanted to join the police department. He wanted a career in claw enforcement.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws, and the other has the clause before the pause.
I went the zoo and spotted a lion. He looks like a leopard now.
I do lion impressions at parties. It’s always a roaring success.
If computers run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? … their paws …
I went the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dogs and Schrodinger’s cat. The reference librarian said, “That rings a bell, but I don’t know if it’s there or not.”
